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CB Radio Exam (satire)
This exam has been compiled with a set of the Basic and Advanced question bank for the CB (11Meter) Operator Exam. The passing grade for this exam is 70%, however, a score of 85% or better will earn the operator his or her Basic qualifications PLUS his or her Skip Land privileges. As with all exams of this nature, a good understanding of CB protocols and practices are essential in keeping the hobby at the level of professionalism that befits all operators. Any individual found cheating will automatically be given a failing grade, and will not be eligible to write for a six month period. It is recommended that users who fail use that six month period to study hard before re-testing. Repeat failures will be disqualified from any further testing. We are a group of professional operators that do not tolerate those who wish to tarnish such an illustrious hobby.
The allotted time for this test is one hour. If you're ready, let's begin:
1) When acknowledging another party, the proper response is:
A) Rogidy
B) Ten-Fer
C) Raw-joe
D) Raw-joe-dee
2) When giving a radio check, the correct response is:
A) You're sounding bodacious
B) Super fine on my receive
C) She's working (or) She's a-working for ya
D) WOW! What kinda radidio you got?
3) When informing another party of their signal strength, the correct response is:
A) You're blowing smoke!
B) You're pegging / bending my meter
C) You�re in the Strawberry Patch
D) You owe me a new needle (meter)
4) If DX conditions become difficult, to improve your chances of contacting that skip, you should:
A) Yell louder into your microphone
B) Kick on your boot and pump out more whiskeys
C) Both A and B
D) Complain that the skip station has "no ears" and stop trying to make contact
5) True or False: When a Ham operator comes down to channel 38 Lower Side Band, that means there's nothing happening on their channels.
A) True
B) False
6) The proper way to call for skip is:
A) CQ... CQ... CQDX. This is... (your handle) we're QRT and standing by.
B) How about it skip land? You got a copy on... (your handle).
C) How about that long distance station... you got a copy on... (your handle)
D) Hey You! You got a grip on me, or what?
7) True or False: If your audio sounds distorted and over-modulated to everyone, it will sound simply bodacious to skip land.
A) True
B) False
8) If there is more than a couple of stations shooting skip on a channel and you wish to make a few contacts yourself, you should:
A) Shout your handle louder and more frequently so as to be heard first
B) Pay no attention to the other operators on frequency and just step all over them
C) Kick on your boot and yell into the microphone, so that you can get the mall down
D) Complain profusely that no one else is giving you a chance and they are hogging the channel
9) If you come on the channel and find two others engaged in a cue so, what should you do?
A) Go ahead and make your call anyways, making sure to speak loudly so that you can walk all over them
B) Say QSK or Short politely, and when they stop to let you in, take over the channel
C) Don't worry about it. The channel's big enough to hold all your voices. Go ahead and call.
D) Sit and sulk because you got there too late
10) True or False: the loudest station on the channel is automatically the Channel Control
A) True
B) False
11) If you put up a set of beams, and you can't hear your buddy as well, that means:
A) Beams can only talk to beams, so he or she would have to also get a set of beams
B) You have to install a switchbox to go between the rods of the beam until you find one that works
C) Since beams only work in one direction, you have to install a rotor and turn it 360 degrees to get your signal out in all directions
D) Beams don't work and are a waste of money
12) The most likely reason why your radio might interfere with the neighbor is:
A) They have cheap phones
B) They have cheap computer speakers
C) Their house is too close to your beams
D) They never go anywhere
13) When greeting someone you recognize on the radio, the proper method is:
A) Tell them that you're waving a hand
B) Tell them that you're waving five fingers and a thumb
C) Say something cool like "right there, right back"
D) Tell them you're giving them a high five
14) Putting bigger pills in your boot will:
A) Make it feel better
B) Add more weight to the unit, so that it stays put better
C) Cause you to use a battery with a charger and a filter capacitor to power it
D) Cause you to need a bigger power supply
15) If you are holding a cue so on 38 lower, and are getting interference from a trucker on the AM side, the proper way to deal with this situation is:
A) Kick on all the power you got, go up to the AM side, and make sure them damn truckers get the point
B) Kick on all you got, go up to the AM side and play music until they leave
C) Go up to the AM side and tell the truckers that 38 lower is a family channel only
D) Shut down your radio until they're gone
16) Where is the designated trucker channel?
A) 9
B) 19
C) 37 lower
D) Depends on where their radio can go
17) How many pounds does an "S-unit" weigh?
A) 9lbs
B) Whereever your needle peaks at
C) Whereever your needle peaks plus the weight of your radio
D) It depends, because all radios have different meters on them
18) True or False: Channel Control stations obviously have the most bodacious rig with a kickass boot
A) True
B) False
19) The government has received many complaints about your station interfering with the neighbor. What should you do to rectify the situation?
A) Hide all your equipment and play dumb when they show up at your door
B) Tell them the neighbor has always hated you, and just reported you to spite you
C) Go over to your neighbor and flatten him
D) Put your antenna up higher
20) The authority over the rules and regulations on CB radio in Canada is derived from:
A) The Prime Minister of Canada
B) Radio Shack
C) The Department of Communications, (DOC) that also assigns the license numbers (XMN...)
D) A coalition of radio makers, head up by Cobra
21) The transmission of secret code by a CB operator is:
A) Allowed, so long as you don't get caught
B) Allowed, but only when the person you're talking to knows the code
C) A great way to get back at the other operators
D) Perfect when the enemy is on the channel
22) What is a transmission that disturbs other transmissions?
A) A dead carrier
B) A truck driver
C) Skip
D) Someone that you didn't want on the channel
23) In Canada, the CB band corresponds to what radio frequency?
A) Depends on how many channels your radio has
B) Channel 1 to 40
C) Channel 1 to 40, plus any extras the radio has
D) Channel 1 to 40, but NOT including channel 9, which is for emergency only
24) The holder of a Basic ticket for CB with Skip Land privileges is limited to a maximum of _____ watts:
A) No limit
B) 100 Watts, on all channels
C) 500 Watts, on all channels
D) 50 Watts, but only on AM channels
25) All CB stations, regardless of what channel you operate them on, MUST be equipped with:
A) An echomike
B) A huge boot or "linear"
C) Sand bagger lights
D) A roger beep
26) If it's difficult to hear the other station, the correct way to inform them of this is:
A) Tell them they're in the mud
B) Tell them they're not getting out
C) Tell them they need to pump it up
D) Ask someone else who's listening to relay for you
27) Canada is located in what ITU region?
A) Cold Country
B) Queen's Country
C) Up there
D) Ten miles North of the CN Tower
28) The fee for taking the CB Basic Exam from an accredited examiner is:
A) Free of charge
B) $20 plus photo id
C) $10 and no additional charge if you need to re-write it
D) $20 plus photo id each and every time you write the exam
29) Which of these statements is NOT correct:
A) Only Ham Radios have Megahertz
B) SSB stands for Super Side Band
C) Black wire is better, since it protects your signal from the sun
D) Before installing an antenna structure, you must paint it camouflage to prevent it from being recognized by your neighbours
30) To make your handle more legible to the other station, you should:
A) Shout louder into the microphone
B) Turn up the mike gain
C) Shout BREAK BREAK BREAK and then give your handle
D) Very slowly and loudly speak every letter like a military radio operator
31) The proper way to inform other operators that you will remain silent and listening is:
A) Say I'm QRT and standing by
B) Say I'm back quiet
C) No need to say anything. They'll get the point.
D) Say I'm on the side
32) If the power output of a CB radio is increased by four times, how will that affect the radios that pick up the increased signal?
A) You�ll be in the Strawberry patch
B) Nothing � you can�t harm the radio that�s receiving your signal, no matter how much power you run
C) They will complain that you owe them a new needle
D) They'll tell you you're blowing smoke
33) The code "QRM" means:
A) I've got a ton of static on my end
B) I'm having trouble hearing you because there are too many mud ducks walking on you
C) Someone is stepping on you
D) The weather is affecting the signal
34) If you're in a cue so, and hear an emergency call for help, what should you do?
A) Draw upon your ambulance chasing skills and address the situation like a professional dispatcher
B) Ignore it, because you're not on channel 9
C) Tell the person making the call that they must go to channel 9
D) Tell the person making the call to stop screwing around
35) Which statement about logbooks or computer logging programs is correct:
A) Logbooks are mandatory for all contacts
B) Logbooks are a great way of preserving your fondest contacts while also making great reading on lonely nights
C) Logbooks prove you made that skip contact
D) Logbooks are not necessary, and a waste of time
36) Which component in a CB setup is best suited for determining the effectiveness of your antenna system?
A) Your microphone, because you can always just ask "how's this sounding on your end?"
B) A wattmeter with a lighted meter
C) A dummyload
D) A scanner with a little lightbulb on the end of the rubber duck
37) In an FM transmitter, the microphone is connected to:
A) The output of the radio
B) Between the radio and the linear
C) To the echobox
D) The 4-pin Cobra connector
38) In a regulated power supply, the ___________ is connected to the regulator:
A) Kickass transformer
B) Battery charger
C) Set of 500Z tubes
D) Red wire
39) In a three-element beam, the longest rod:
A) Is the one that catches all the skip
B) Will give you the most trouble when you rotate it
C) Will dictate, by it's length, how much power boost you'll get
D) Pushes the signal to the other two rods
40) Pick the three that are the best ways to measure your signal quality:
A) Another operator starts swearing and cussing at you for stepping all over them
B) Being told you're blowing smoke
C) Having had your signal described as "bodacious"
D) None of the above, since everybody lies about that anyways
41) What may happen if you operate your radio on SSB with too much audio?
A) Nothing - that's how you're supposed to run it for the Upper or Lower sides
B) You cause cross-channel on 37 and 39
C) You wash ten channels both ways
D) You get out further for more skip
42) The department that is responsible for the administration of the CB Radio Communications Act in Canada is:
A) Channel Control
B) The DOC (Department of Communications)
C) Nobody, since CB is freeband
D) RCMP
43) What kind of device automatically retransmits the signals of another station?
A) A good buddy station
B) Any Realistic TRC model with an echomike
C) Satellites
D) The moon
44) What is the standard International Phonetic for the letter "B"?
A) Break-Break-Break
B) Bd-Bd-Bd-that's all folks
C) Bodacious
D) Beer
45) When may a CB operator legally transmit a SOS or a MAYDAY?
A) Never
B) Between the times of 4:20pm and 12:00am
C) Only during spring, when tornados hit
D) Only when they are mobile, and have run out of gas
46) Which component would normally be connected closest to the antenna, antenna switch or dummy load?
A) Nothing, because that's all you need
B) Ferrite chokes to cut down on wash
C) One of those cool lights that flash when you talk
D) None of the above, since the more you add the more power you lose
47) What circuit has a variable-frequency oscillator connected to a driver and a boot?
A) An open clarifier with a 10Kc slide
B) A Gold Package Mod Kit with an open clarifier
C) A free-spinning tuning knob
D) A rig that can go all the way to 445 lower side
48) If your home power fluctuates a lot, you can correct this with:
A) A low pass filter
B) A high pass filter
C) A dummy load
D) A three-prong plug, instead of a two-prong plug
49) If a separate ground is not possible with your antenna setup, an alternate method would be:
A) The screw that holds the plate on any electrical plug
B) Natural Gas pipes
C) A ground wire to the black post on a battery under the desk
D) Grounds are NOT needed, because they cause a ground loop hum in your signal
50) How do you find a resistor's value?
A) Google
B) Ask the person you bought it from to write it down for you
C) By learning the Morse Code
D) Resistors are all the same value. The colours are just for show.
Thank you for taking this test. We at the CB Radio Operator's Group are pleased with your interest in furthering your education in this hobby. It is our sincerest hope that you have many years of pleasure in an elite group of professionals who spend minutes of their time in good, clean, non-abusive, ethical conversation. The remaining time is spent chasing good skip and getting rid of mud-ducks that ruin the hobby.
In case you don't get it, this was not a real test. It was a joke. It's called sarcasm (pronounced: Sar Chasm). If you still don't get it, then there's no help for you at all, and please PLEASE don�t take the Amateur Radio Exam!