As anybody can imagine, parking at a College Campus, never mind ON a College Campus
can be quite a trying experience. Parking at Keene State College is no exception!
At Keene State, we have several parking lots - all of which require a decal or some kind
of permit to park in, including the visitor parking lot. Basically, if you don't have
a permit of some kind to park on campus, you can't park on campus --- it's really pretty
The reason even the visitor parking lot requires a permit as well is because of the kids
that try to pull a quickie over Campus Safety by not purchasing a parking decal and trying
to park in the visitor lot for free. The funny thing is, that it doesn't work well for them as a
rule. They seem to have this misconception that by parking in a different space, it'll be okay,
and we (Campus Safety) will never figure out that the old white car with stickers that obviously
hold it together, that say "Mean People Suck" or "I beat up your Honor Student" won't be
remembered by the Officers. Another misconception is that by parking in a lot they don't
belong in and, get this, turning on their 4-way flashers, is supposed to "excuse" them from
being ticketed. We seek those cars out - the ones with the flashers on - because it's like
they're screaming - VIOLATOR - OVER HERE - TICKET ME!!!!!
Each parking lot has a HUGE sign at each entrance telling what type of parking lot it is, AND,
they're color coded to match the color of the decal allowed into that lot. Now I understand that
just because these signs are the size of a full sheet of plywood and written in plain english doesn't
mean that these kids (and staff) can actually read and interpret them. Nor actually see them for
There is a slight quirk in the system that for some unknown reason, the College continues to
cater to these folks with stupid signs. You would think, or at least if you have
somewhere near a thimble full of common sense, that if there are five parking spaces all next
to each other with a sign directly in front of each one saying this is a loading/unloading zone
for 15 minutes, and you must have your flashers on during this time, that if ONE of the signs is
missing, those rules still pertain to the space with the missing sign. Well guess again,
not so...... They'll park there all day, all night, weeks on end, and because the sign is missing
in front of "that" space, it's open parking and anything goes - why? Because there wasn't
a sign. The really sad thing is, when they whine because they got a parking ticket, 9 out
of 10 times, it gets dropped.
So after these people get their parking tickets, they are all entitled to appeal the ticket(s), despite
the fact that right on the appeal form are unacceptable reasons for an appeal, for example;
I didn't see the sign...
I was only there a minute... etc......
As you can imagine, these appeals make for some pretty good reading. Some of the lies - er -
reasons - they come up with are absolutely hilarious! I'll give them credit, they should
maybe get a discount on their parking fine for their "creative" writing talents! There
are a few that are actually honest and deserve a break, but for the most part, they are
the most caniving, deceptive, bunch of people I've ever dealt with.
So, with no further adieu, I'd like to share the Top Ten excuses as to why they parked where
Number 10 ---- (Use your best "whiney" voice) I didn't see the sign.
Number 9 ---- There wasn't a sign that said I couldn't park there. (My usual response to
this one is: There wasn't one that said you "could" park there either....)
Number 8 ---- I haven't had time to get my decal. (Granted, it's now mid November and
school started in late August)
Number 7 ---- &*^$%# YOU, YOU SUCK, Get a real job....(Yeah, that'll work....)
Number 6 ---- There wasn't a place to park so I "had" to park on the lawn...
Number 5 ---- My roommate told me it was okay...
Number 4 ---- I pay your salary...
Number 3 ---- I got in late and thought it would be okay for the night..... (Well it was - for
the night - the problem is that it hasn't moved for 36 hours...)
Number 2 ---- It wasn't my fault....
And the Number 1 excuse written on an appeal form is: "I'm so poor.....please, please, please..."
If you're interested in hearing what we'd like to use for an automated appeal
process, listen to this voice clip. It's kind of long, so give it a while to
Automated Appeal Line
Stay tuned for more additions. Every year they get better and better...