The Ballad of G3IMX

To the tune of Greensleeves ( chorus in italics )

There is a ham on the Isle of Wight

Whose veggie patch is an awesome sight

At night it glows with an eerie light

And all for the love of his green peas

Green peas are his delight

In his sad drab world they're a faint green light

Green peas are his delight

And they grow best with radiation

Aged 23 with a PhD

He left his island and went to sea

Southampton bound with a flask of tea

To follow his love of green peas

Green peas are his delight

In soup, in pies, where no appetite

Green peas are his delight

You can eat them on any occasion

Whilst on the mainland he did see

A sight more beautiful than a pea

In nuclear physics was her degree

Her name was Millie Curie

Green peas were his delight

But Millie Curie came first that night

She was gone before mornings light

And this was their only liaison

She'd made things grow before his eyes

She'd made his gherkin triple its size

Though Eric was clever he wasn't too wise

He thought that she'd used radiation

Green peas had been his delight

But now he kept thinking of Millie all night

If rubbing it with Caesium made it feel all right

Perhaps it would work on his green peas

To the island next day he set his course

In his rucksack Beta and Gamma source

He played on his radio and learned some morse

While the gamma rays worked on his green peas

Green peas that now glowed at night

In his garden they were a ghostly sight

Though his gherkin fell off and his skin turned white

The peas got a standing ovation

He further enhanced his gardens yield

With soil imported from Selafield

Though his onions grew to a foot across

The side effects would include hair loss

Green peas were once his delight

Now it's any veg' of great width or height

And though through the day Eric bravely smiles

He can not sleep with atomic piles.

The end ... anonymouS

Hill-Billy Eric with grandson Luke. Look at those whopper onions.

Genetically mutated by the kilowatts from his shack.

Inspired by The Count Of Monty Christo, Eric is currently digging an escape tunnel to the mainland.

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Radio 1933 Last modified: 7 Jan, 2010