Medical
Terms
Benign.......
...................What you be after you be eight.
"Well, butter my butt and
call me a biscuit."
"I'll slap you so hard, your
clothes will be outta style."
"This'll jar your preserves."
"Cute as a sack full of puppies."
"If things get any better,
I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it."
"Gooder than grits."
"It's so dry, the trees are
bribing the dogs."
"It's been hotter'n a goat's
butt in a pepper patch."
"Wintery roads are said to
be "slicker than otter snot."
"A bothersome person is "like
a booger that you can't thump off."
"When something is bad then
you say, "that ain't no count."
"If something is hard to do,
it's "like trying to herd cats."
"A hectic schedule keeps you
"Busier than a cat covering doo-doo on a marble floor."
"She's uglier than homemade
soap."
"Your momma's so fat, when she
got on the scales to be weighed, it said 'To be continued'."
"He fell out of the ugly tree
and hit every branch on the way down."
"Uglier than a lard bucket
full of armpits."
"The wheels still turning,
but the hamsters dead"
"I'm just about as welcome at my
inlaws as a hair in a biscuit."
Bacteria.....
...................Back door to cafeteria.
Barium......
...................What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean
Section............A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan.....
...................Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize...
...................Made eye contact with her.
Colic.......
.....................A sheep dog.
Coma........
...................A punctuation mark.
D&C.....
.......................Where Washington is.
Dilate......
.....................To live long.
Enema.......
...................Not a friend.
Fester......
.....................Quicker than someone else.
Fibula......
.....................A small lie.
G.I.Series..
...................World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail....
...................What you hang your coat on.
Impotent....
...................Distinguished, well known.
Labor
Pain.....................Getting hurt at work.
Medical
Staff..................A Doctor's cane.
Morbid......
....................A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates....
.....................Cheaper than day rates.
Node........
.....................I knew it.
Outpatient..
....................A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear...
..................A fatherhood test.
Pelvis......
......................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post
Operative................A letter carrier.
Recovery
Room..............Place to do upholstery.
Rectum......
...................Damn near killed him.
Secretion...
....................Hiding something
Seizure.....
.....................Roman emperor.
Tablet......
.....................A small table.
Terminal
Illness..............Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor.......
...................More than one.
Urine.......
.....................Opposite of mine.
Varicose....
....................Near by/close by