Fifty Ways to Love your Liver

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Fifty Ways to Love your Liver
lyrics © 2006 by Dr. H. Paul Shuch
sung to the tune of "Fifty Ways to Leave your Lover,"
Copyright © 1975 by Paul Simon

Last night for dinner at a neighborhood cafe,
The waitress said, "since you're not much of a gourmet,
I recommend to you our Special of the Day:
There must be fifty ways to love your liver.
Fifty ways to love your liver."

Just make a pate, Ray,
Toss some on the grill, Phil.
Boil it up in a stew, Lou,
And keep it all real.
One slice on a bun, hon --
I know that you want some.
It's easy to fry, Guy;
It makes a fine meal.

I said, "Why don't I scan the menu for a while?
I think a juicy steak would better suit my style."
"We're out of steak," replied the waitress with a smile,
"But there are fifty ways to love your liver.
Fifty ways to love your liver."

Slap it down on a plate, Nate.
It's yummy with bread, Fred.
Grilled onions aside, Clyde,
Foudue it in brie.
Marinate two or three, Lee --
Throw a slab on the barbie,
With barbecue sauce, boss,
But save some for me.

"I'm indecisive," I replied, "but you sound sure,
And so I guess I'll have your specialty du jour.
Just choose a menu, be it common or obscure,
Among those fifty ways to love your liver.
Fifty ways to love your liver."

Put a piece in the nuke, Luke,
Then zap it for ten, Ben.
Slide chunks on a spit, Kit,
Put 'em over a flame.
Try making a crust, Russ,
'Cause breading don't cost much.
Make gravy or some such;
It all tastes the same.
Just make a pate, Ray,
Toss some on the grill, Phil.
Boil it up in a stew, Lou,
And keep it all real.
One slice on a bun, hon --
I know that you want some.
It's easy to fry, Guy;
It makes a fine meal.

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