When Life Was A Bitch

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When Life Was A Bitch
lyrics © 2001 by Dr. H. Paul Shuch
A Feminist Parody, sung to the tune of
"When I Was A Boy" by Frank Hayes

When I was a Chauvinist bastard,
Before women had any rights,
When I came home from work and got plastered
My woman would turn out the lights
And then she would pick up the beer cans
And make sure the kids got to bed
And say she was grateful for having a man,
While all the time wishing me dead.

And she'd walk twenty feet to the kitchen,
Barefoot and pregnant always.
And there wouldn't be any bitchin'
Back in the good old days.
I mean, way back before feminism
When women had only one wish,
And they suffered a sexual schism . . .
When life was a bitch.

Well, now I'm a sensitive bastard
And glad that my honey is free.
I cannot deride or harass her
'Cause she makes more money than me.
So I've learned how to cook and do laundry,
Clear table and mop up the floor.
And I iron my shirts in a quandary,
Wondering, what's a wife for?

So I walk twenty feet to kitchen,
Barefoot, and balding, and gray.
But she'll never hear any bitchin'
In these enlightened days,
For my wife is an equal team member,
Her bicycle lacking a fish.
Still, it isn't so hard to remember
When life was a bitch.

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