| Vol I Issue 1 Page 1 | Retirement Ain't Too Bad Once You Get Used To The Abject Poverty. | Publishing - thats our thang! |
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JULY NEWS from HOG HOLLOW (July 8, 2005) Since the rains have come, Hog Hollow is a veritable Garden of Eden. Our cucumbers have grown so rapidly the last few days, they are growing across the road in several places. We are the only community in the county with road kill cucumbers! Jeraldine had a new pacemaker installed today. Her pin number at the Kingsport Hospital was 007. I suppose I am going to have to call her Bond, Jane Bond. The newly landscaped back yard has grass growing so rapidly, one can hear it grow. The last time we mowed, we counted two Pet milk cans, two garter snakes, one mole, and three frogs that were either killed or maimed during the operation. The side of the house has red and green streaks on it. There are two white stripes also, but we can�t figure out what caused that. Hog Hollow is now �Peeping Tom� free! The last peeper shot himself as he peeped in my window as I disrobed for bed. There was a loud scream and a loud bang. When I investigated, there he lay beneath my bedroom window! We are seeking funds to erect a memorial stone for Beulah, the head sow. She passed away two weeks ago. She stepped through the floor of her pen. She struggled so much trying to free herself that she had a heart attack. The entire community showed up for her graveside service. The lady mayor gave the elegy. There was not a dry eye in the assemblage! After the funeral we met down at the Hog Hollow Town Hall and enjoyed ham biscuits and coffee in Beulah�s honor. We sang the song �Beulah Land.� Now that the construction company has finished running the new sewer line, we will be having the Used Septic Tank Auction and Cookout in a week or two. Remember, bring your own meat. Jeraldine and I will furnish the Kool-Aid. Monthly Road Kill: One squirrel, two skunks, three opossums, one bantam rooster, and twenty-seven cucumbers. Upcoming Events: Cow Chip Tossing, Mole Skinning, and Potato Digging
A late July report from Hog Hollow may be forthcoming.
The Phantom Poet of Hog Hollow July 9, 2005 |
If anything else ever happens in Hog Holler, we will proudly report it here.