The following was a page put on the McDonnell Douglas Internet home page by a worker with a sense of humor. The company took exception to it, however...
Important! Important! Please fill out and mail this card within 10 days of purchase. Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.
1. __Mr. First name: __Mrs. Initial: __Ms. Last name: __Miss Password: __Lt. Code name: __Gen. Latitude: Longitude: __Comrade Altitude: __Classified __Other 2. Which model aircraft did you purchase? __F-14 Tomcat __F-15 Eagle __F-16 Falcon __F-117A Stealth __Classified 3. Date of purchase: 4. Serial number: 5. Please check where this product was purchased: __Received as gift/aid package __Catalog showroom __Sleazy arms broker __Mail order __Discount store __Government surplus __Gun show __Classified 6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased: __Heard loud noise, looked up __Store display __Espionage __Recommended by friend/relative/ally __Political lobbying by manufacturer __Newspaper/magazine ad __Was attacked by one 7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product: __Style/appearance __Kickback/bribe __Recommended by salesperson __Speed/maneuverability __Comfort/convenience __McDonnell Douglas reputation __Advanced weapons systems __Price/value __Back-room politics __Negative experience opposing one in combat 8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used: __North America __Central/South America __Aircraft carrier __Europe __Middle East __Africa __Asia/Far East __Misc. Third World countries __Classified 9. Please check the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future: Product Own Intend to Purchase Color TV VCR ICBM Killer satellite CD player Air-to-air missiles Space shuttle Home computer Nuclear weapon 10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? Check all that apply: __Communist/Socialist __Terrorist __Crazed __Neutral __Democratic __Dictatorship __Corrupt __Primitive/tribal 11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product? __Cash __Suitcases of cocaine __Oil revenues __Deficit spending __Personal check __Credit card __Ransom money __Traveler's check 12. Occupation You Your Spouse Homemaker Sales/marketing Revolutionary Clerical Mercenary Tyrant Middle management Eccentric billionaire Defense minister/general Retired Student 13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis: Activity/Interest You Your Spouse Golf Boating/sailing Sabotage Running/jogging Propaganda/disinformation Destabilization/overthrow Default on loans Gardening Crafts Black market/smuggling Collectibles/collections Watching sports on TV Wines Interrogation/torture Household pets Crushing rebellions Espionage/reconnaissance Fashion clothing Border disputes Mutually assured destruction
Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future--as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups and mysterious consortia.
Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department Military Aerospace Division P.O. Box 800