Top Twentynine Things Not to Say to a Cop When You're Pulled Over

• Back off Barney, I've got a piece.

• Wanta race to the station, Sparky?

• I know I was weaving, but I can't find the Honeycomb Hideout!

• Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

• You'll never get those cuffs on me...You Pussy!

• I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

• Bad cop! No donut!

• How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.

• Hey officer is that your nightstick or are you just glad to see me?

• I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Doughnuts has a 3 for 1 special!

• I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around-that's how far ahead of me they are.

• What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.

• Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

• No officer, I don't know how fast I was going.... The little needle stops at 150

• (In a slurred & mumbled voice): "Is there an officer, problem?"

• I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

• Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me. Good job.

• Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on COPS?

• You're not going to check the trunk are you?

• I pay your salary.

• Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

• If I bend over, will I still get a ticket?

• Hey, wasn't your daughter a porn queen?

• On the way to the station, let's get a six pack, oh and don't forget the cig's.

• Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?

• So uh, you on the take or what?

• Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

• Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us knows.

• Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.