Acura Integra	I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars
Acura Legend	I'm too bland for German cars
Acura NSX	I am impotent
Audi 90	I enjoy putting out engine fires
Austin Healey Sprite	I like people telling me how cute my sports car is *
Buick Grand National/GNX	I am Lord Vader's apprentice *
Buick Park Avenue	I am older than 34 of the 50 states
Cadillac Eldorado	I am a very good Mary Kay salesman
Cadillac Seville	I am a pimp
Chevrolet Camaro	I enjoy beating up people
Chevrolet Chevette	I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette
Chevrolet Corvette	I'm in a mid life crisis
Chevrolet El Camino	I am leading a militia to overthrow the government
Chrysler Cordoba	I dig the rich Corinthian leather
Datsun 280Z	I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well
Dodge Challenger	There are only speed limits if the cops can catch you *
Dodge Dart	I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower
Dodge Daytona	I delivered pizza for four years to get this car
Ford F100	I am familiar with the taste of Opossum *
Ford Fairmont	(See Dodge Dart)
Ford Mustang	I slow down to 85 in school zones
Ford Crown Victoria	I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them
Geo Storm	I will start the 11th grade in the Fall
Geo Tracker	I will start the 12th grade in the Fall
Honda del Sol	I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all
Honda Accord	I lack any originality and am basically a lemming
Honda Civic	I have just graduated and have no credit
Honda CRX	I have three speeding tickets and no muffler *
Infiniti Q45	I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending
Innocenti Spyder	I am dating an Italian mechanic *
Isuzu Impulse	I do not give a rip about J.D. Power or his reports
Jaguar XJ6	I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year
Kia Sephia	I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp
Lincoln Town Car	I live for bingo and covered dish suppers
Grand Marquis	(See above)
Lotus	I do not fear being squashed by a Civic * Yes it breaks down like an MGB, but it breaks down with style * I can't afford a Ferrari *
Mercedes 500SL	I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph
Mercedes 560SEL	I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole
Mazda Miata	I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen wheeler
MGB	I am dating a mechanic
Mitsubishi 3000GT/Dodge Stealth	I look fast even if I never go above 65 *
Mitsubishi Diamante	I don't know what it means either
Mitsubishi Eclipse	I seriously enjoy racing Civics and Integras *
Nissan 300ZX	I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings
Nissan Maxima	See Cadillac Seville *
Oldsmobile Cutlass	I just stole this car and I'm going to make a burger run
Peugeot 505 Diesel	I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List
Plymouth Neon	I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena
Plymouth Prowler	35 years ago I couldn't afford to hot rod a 32 Ford *
Plymouth Valiant	My grandchildren are graduating from college *
Pontiac Fiero	My father owns a mint '65 Corvair *
Pontiac Trans AM	I have a switchblade in my sock
Porsche 944	I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me
Rolls Royce Silver Shadow	I think Pat Buchannon is a tad bit too liberal
Saturn SC2	(See Honda Civic)
Suburu Forester	I'm smart enough to know I'm not going off-roading *
Subaru Legacy	I have always wanted a Japanese car even more
Toyota Camry	I am still in the closet
Toyota Celica	I bought this car off my girlfriend when my Mustang broke
Volkswagon Beetle	I still watch Partridge Family reruns
Volkswagen New Beetle	My boyfriend co-signed for this car *
Volkswagon Cabriolet	I am out of the closet
Volkswagon Microbus	I am tripping right now
Volvo 740 Wagon	I am frightened of my wife
Volvo DL, 240	Howard Hughes was too risky in his later years *