What your car says about you

Authors are anonymous except where noted

Acura Integra I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars
Acura Legend I'm too bland for German cars
Acura NSX I am impotent
Audi 90 I enjoy putting out engine fires
Austin Healey Sprite I like people telling me how cute my sports car is *
Buick Grand National/GNX I am Lord Vader's apprentice *
Buick Park Avenue I am older than 34 of the 50 states
Cadillac Eldorado I am a very good Mary Kay salesman
Cadillac Seville I am a pimp
Chevrolet Camaro I enjoy beating up people
Chevrolet Chevette I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette
Chevrolet Corvette I'm in a mid life crisis
Chevrolet El Camino I am leading a militia to overthrow the government
Chrysler Cordoba I dig the rich Corinthian leather
Datsun 280Z I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well
Dodge Challenger There are only speed limits if the cops can catch you *
Dodge Dart I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower
Dodge Daytona I delivered pizza for four years to get this car
Ford F100 I am familiar with the taste of Opossum *
Ford Fairmont (See Dodge Dart)
Ford Mustang I slow down to 85 in school zones
Ford Crown Victoria I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them
Geo Storm I will start the 11th grade in the Fall
Geo Tracker I will start the 12th grade in the Fall
Honda del Sol I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all
Honda Accord I lack any originality and am basically a lemming
Honda Civic I have just graduated and have no credit
Honda CRX I have three speeding tickets and no muffler *
Infiniti Q45 I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending
Innocenti Spyder I am dating an Italian mechanic *
Isuzu Impulse I do not give a rip about J.D. Power or his reports
Jaguar XJ6 I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year
Kia Sephia I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp
Lincoln Town Car I live for bingo and covered dish suppers
Grand Marquis (See above)
  • I do not fear being squashed by a Civic *
  • Yes it breaks down like an MGB, but it breaks down with style *
  • I can't afford a Ferrari *
  • Mercedes 500SL I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph
    Mercedes 560SEL I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole
    Mazda Miata I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen wheeler
    MGB I am dating a mechanic
    Mitsubishi 3000GT/Dodge Stealth I look fast even if I never go above 65 *
    Mitsubishi Diamante I don't know what it means either
    Mitsubishi Eclipse I seriously enjoy racing Civics and Integras *
    Nissan 300ZX I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings
    Nissan Maxima See Cadillac Seville *
    Oldsmobile Cutlass I just stole this car and I'm going to make a burger run
    Peugeot 505 Diesel I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List
    Plymouth Neon I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena
    Plymouth Prowler 35 years ago I couldn't afford to hot rod a 32 Ford *
    Plymouth Valiant My grandchildren are graduating from college *
    Pontiac Fiero My father owns a mint '65 Corvair *
    Pontiac Trans AM I have a switchblade in my sock
    Porsche 944 I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me
    Rolls Royce Silver Shadow I think Pat Buchannon is a tad bit too liberal
    Saturn SC2 (See Honda Civic)
    Suburu Forester I'm smart enough to know I'm not going off-roading *
    Subaru Legacy I have always wanted a Japanese car even more
    Toyota Camry I am still in the closet
    Toyota Celica I bought this car off my girlfriend when my Mustang broke
    Volkswagon Beetle I still watch Partridge Family reruns
    Volkswagen New Beetle My boyfriend co-signed for this car *
    Volkswagon Cabriolet I am out of the closet
    Volkswagon Microbus I am tripping right now
    Volvo 740 Wagon I am frightened of my wife
    Volvo DL, 240 Howard Hughes was too risky in his later years *

    * thanks Chris!

    Last update: 8 Aug. 2001