Do you have your Favorite Saying

Do you have your Favorite Saying.

Hanging in there, like a bad hair on a good biscuit
W3OJO - Joe

Green Saying?
Conserve Water - Drink North Carolina Wine

back of pick up truck

"Life's tough - it's even tougher if you're stupid."
John Wayne

My Favorite Next Door Neighbor

1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written
an impressive new book. It's called .......
'Ministers Do More Than Lay People'

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink
and be Mary.

3. The difference between the Pope and
your boss, the Pope only expects you
to kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning, one brilliant
flash and it is gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to
your door is if you're in the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once.
The seat folded up, the drink spilled and
that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

7. It used to be only death and taxes
now, of course, there's
shipping and handling, too.

8. A husband is someone who, after taking
the trash out, gives the impression that
he just cleaned the whole house.

9. My next house will have no kitchen - just
vending machines and a large trash can.

10. A blonde said, 'I was worried that my
mechanic might try to rip me off.
I was relieved when he told me all
I needed was turn signal fluid.'

11. Definition of a teenager?
God's punishment for enjoying sex.

12. As you slide down the banister of life, may
The splinters never point the wrong way

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If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it !)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out of the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig..)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy..)

(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)

The male preying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes!! Lucky pig! Can you imagine?!!)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out.)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to, maybe even a chuckle.
In other words, send it to everyone!
(and... Got to love that pig)

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Only in America ........do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America .....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America .....do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America .......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America ......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America .....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

I like this one!!!
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe,why do they call the airport the terminal?

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Wal-Mart announced that it will begin offering customers a new discount item – Wal-Mart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery of California to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $2-$5 range.

Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to put a bottle of Wal-Mart brand into their shopping carts, but "there is a market for inexpensive wine," said Kathy Micken , professor of marketing at University of Arkansas , Bentonville. "But the right name is important."

Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the Wal-Mart wine brand. The top surveyed names in order of popularity were:

10. Chateau Traileur Parc

9. White Trashfindel

8. Big Red Gulp

7. World Championship Riesling

6. NASCARbernet

5. Chef Boyardeaux

4. Peanut Noir

3. I Can't Believe it's not Vinegar

2. Grape Expectations

1. Nasti Spumante

The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with either white meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel).

P.S. Don't bother writing back that this is a hoax. I know possum is not a white meat.

Subject: FW: Marvin-The Male Maxine