Subject: [alt.sex] FAQ (1/4)

From: [email-masked] (David JOHNSON)
Date: 9 Oct 92 19:18:39 GMT

Archive-name: alt-sex/faq/part1
Last-modified: 9 Oct 1992

           THE OFFICIAL ALT.SEX FAQ FILE WITH ANSWERS
           ------------------------------------------

                     (dated October 1, 1992)

PURPOSE OF THE FAQ FILE

Alt.sex receives significantly more traffic than your typical
newsgroup.  Readers of this group have more than enough to read
through without having to filter out inappropriate posts.  To
help prevent the constant debating of these points, this post
serves as a guide to the Frequently Asked Questions.  If you are
new to this group, please take the time to read through this
file, even if only to read the Table of Contents.

This does not mean these things are not subject to further
debate, merely that they HAVE been considered by the readers
here.  If you have something significant to add to the subject,
then feel free to post.

Every effort has been made to keep attributions to authors in
this FAQ file as accurate as possible when available.  In many
cases however, the name of the original poster has been lost
through repeated transfers.  I have corrected typos and other
errors as I come across them but some slip through, nevertheless.

Note from July 1: Tony Chen has retired and has passed on the
reins of this FAQ to me. Please send me comments, suggestions,
corrections, and possible additions to:
[email-masked]

Thank you, Tony, for the excellent job you did in putting this
FAQ together.

USING THE FAQ FILE

In order to navigate more easily through this file there are:

1) separators "-------------------" after most question-answer
   sections;

2) separators "================..." after main categories;

3) unique question numbering (i.e., cX-Y is category X, question
   Y.)

Use the search function on your editor (you do have an editor,
right?) to jump to ends of sections by searching for "------" or
"========", and to questions by searching for "cX-Y". If you're
going through this with a newsreader such as rn use the goto
function to navigate through this FAQ. (In rn use the g command.)
The Table of Contents lists all questions covered in the FAQ.

Thank you for your support.

Editor of the FAQ file,
-David Johnson
 [email-masked]

A very special thank you goes to Tony Chen, creator of this FAQ.

[License is hereby granted to republish on electronic media for
which no fees are charged (except for the media used), so long as
the text of this copyright notice and license are attached intact
to any and all republished portion or portions.]

CHANGES (Oct 1)
- reformatted to 75 characters per line.

FORMER CHANGES (Sep 1)
- added "Where can I order from via catalog?"
- added "Is it possible to get pregnant from anal sex?"
- added section on vibrators.
- updated section on spanish fly.
- updated "Where can I find stories?"
- added "How much semen and how many sperm are in a single
  ejaculate?"

FORMER CHANGES (Aug 1)
- added "where can I find the archives for alt.sex.bondage &
  alt.sex.stories?"
- removed "An Index to USENET Erotica"
- added "where can I find the Index to USENET Erotica?"
- added info on hepatitis B

FORMER CHANGES (July 1)
- David Johnson becomes new editor.
- Addition of spanish fly article.

=================================================================

TABLE OF CONTENTS:

  Category 1.  Alt.sex Terms and Acronyms

  Category 2.  Where can I find...?
    c2-1  What versions of the purity test are there?
    c2-2  Where can I get the purity tests?
    c2-3  Where can I find alt.sex stories? are there archive
          sites for them?
    c2-4  Where can I find GIF pictures?
    c2-5  What are good books to read up on?
    c2-6  What stores sell sex-toys, etc. ?
    c2-7  Where can I find the archives for alt.sex.bondage &
          alt.sex.stories?
    c2-8  Where can I find the Index to USENET Erotica?
    c2-9  Where can I order from via catalog?

  Category 3.  General stuff
    c3-1  What should I do to make (the first attempt at) vaginal
          sex easiest?
    c3-2  What should I do to make (the first attempt at) oral
          sex easiest?
    c3-3  What should I do to make (the first attempt at) anal
          sex easiest?
    c3-4  How does one give a hand job?
    c3-5  What is circumcision and why is it done?
    c3-6  What is the Venus butterfly?
    c3-7  What are the contents of semen?
    c3-8  How much semen and how many sperm are in a single
          ejaculate?
    c3-9  Does what I eat affect the taste of semen/vaginal
          fluids?
    c3-10 What is and where is the G-Spot?
    c3-11 How can females ejaculate?
    c3-12 What about oral/vaginal sex during a woman's period?
    c3-13 What percent of men and women masturbate? and at what
          frequency?
    c3-14 How are the bases defined again? (ie. 1st base =
          kissing, etc.)
    c3-15 What's the average length and width penis?
    c3-16 What can one do about premature ejaculation?
    c3-17 Is it possible for men to be multi-orgasmic?
    c3-18 What are some good positions to try out?
    c3-19 What is the M-spot?
    c3-20 What are Kegel exercises?/How can one increase the
          force of ejaculation?
    c3-21 What are blue balls?
    c3-22 Is spanish fly dangerous?
    c3-23 Is it possible to get pregnant from anal sex?
    c3-24 Should I buy a vibrator?
          What kind of vibrators are there?
          Do vibrators 'desensitize' women?
          Can I be replaced by a vibrator?

  Category 4.  STDs
    c4-1  How is the AIDS virus transmitted? and what does a HIV
          test show?
    c4-2  What is HPV (human papilloma virus)? Treatment?
    c4-3  The major sexually transmitted disease (STDs) and their
          symptoms (Gonorrhea, Syphilis, Genital Herpes, AIDS,
          Pubic Lice (Crabs), Nonspecific Urethritis (NSU),
          Hepatitis B are covered.)

  Category 5.  Contraception 
    c5-1  What are the various methods of contraception? and
          their effectiveness rates? and their associated risks
          if any?
    c5-2  What kinds of condoms are there?

  Category 6.  Myths

  Appendix 1.  List of contributors
  Appendix 2.  The Teachings of Kama Sutra

=================================================================

Category 1.  ALT.SEX ACRONYMS AND TERMS

:),:-)   - smiley, indicates humor or sarcasm (many variations
           exist)
69       - mutual oral sex
ASB      - alt.sex.bondage
B&D      - bondage and discipline (consensual)
BTW      - by the way
D&S      - Dominance and Submission
FAQ      - frequently asked question
IMHO     - in my humble/honest opinion
IMNSHO   - in my not so humble opinion
LJBF     - let's just be friends
MOTAS    - member of the appropriate sex
MOTOS    - member of the opposite sex
MOTSS    - member of the same sex
P&T      - Power & Trust
S&M,S/M  - sadism and masochism, SexMagik (consensual)
SO       - significant other

anilingus    - similar to cunnilingus but with the anus
bestiality   - sex with animals
blue balls   - see question c3-20
cunnilingus  - oral sex involving the vulva
dental dam   - a piece of latex placed over the vulva during
               cunnilingus to protect both partners from STDs.
fellatio     - oral sex involving the penis
fisting      - inserting a whole HAND into either the vagina or
               the anus
gerbiling    - the activity of Urban Legend status regarding the
               insertion of a gerbil or similarly-sized rodent
               into the anus
ObSex        - Obligated Sexual Comment/Reference; inserted at
               the end of some posts which otherwise have very
               little to do with sex
rimming      - similar to anilingus but with the "rim" of the
               anus
safeword     - the code phrase or word used in any sort of
               B&D/S&M activity that really means "Stop NOW."
water sports - sex involving urine or urination (also "scat", sex
               involving feces.)

=================================================================

Category 2.  WHERE CAN I FIND...?

c2-1.  What versions of the purity test are there?

   The versions:

   70   --- Ronnie Geller Immorality Quiz
   75   --- "For those with really low scores on the other
            versions"
   100MF--- Allegedly the original MIT version; one test for
            guys, one for gals
   100a --- Rice Version
   100b --- Unknown origin; obtained via CMU
   100c --- From a Penthouse column Sept 1989
   100d --- Ricket's House Purity Test
   100e --- Unknown origin; obtained vi Uga
   100f --- Dabney House Purity Test (Cal Tech)
   132  --- For those who got over 80% on the other versions
   200  --- Condensation of the 500; obtained via JHU
   225  --- Origin Unknown.
   247  --- First CMU version
   350  --- For those with ***REALLY*** low scores on the other
            versions
   400a --- Second CMU version
   400b --- Anti-Celibacy League Version
   400c --- PSU version
   425  --- Third CMU version
   500  --- Yale/Dartmouth version
   600  --- SUNY Potsdam/Clarkson version
   1000 --- Pervert's Anonymous qualification form (Oregon State
            version)
   BBS  --- Modified 1000 designed for interactive taking on a
            BBS

---------------------------------------

c2-2. Where can I get the purity tests?

   Anonymous FTP sites:

You may want to check out the ftp sites from the archie database
at archie.mcgill.ca:

   ocf.berkeley.edu
      Location: /pub
         DIRECTORY drwxr-xr-x       1024  Feb 27 03:20  purity

   quartz.rutgers.edu
    Location: /pub
      DIRECTORY drwxr-xr-x        512  Jan 19 00:09  purity

   watserv1.waterloo.edu
       Location: /misc
              FILE -rw-r--r--      50537  Mar 28 1989  purity

   deja-vu.aiss.uiuc.edu
       Location: /misc/fun
         DIRECTORY drwxr-xr-x        512  Mar 17 16:17  test

If the archives do not have the version you are looking for or
are not available to you, then you may ask the following people,
who have volunteered their services in e-mailing out purity
tests.

Please do not abuse their kindness.  The above list of purity
tests is a composite, so not all distributors will necessarily
have every test.  Ask around.  (If you wish to be included in
this list, mail me.)

When asking for purity tests, specify which versions.  The tests
will be provided in ASCII format unless otherwise noted.

   Purity test contacts:
     1) [email-masked] (Blair Seidler) 
     2) [email-masked] (David Smith)
        (has test in both ASCII and MS Word formats)
     3) [email-masked] (Carl Boernecke)
     4) [email-masked] (Tim Hagman)

---------------------------------------

c2-3. Where can I find alt.sex stories? are there archive sites
      for them?

If you are just looking for stories in general, check the
newsgroups alt.sex.stories and rec.arts.erotica FIRST. Many
stories are also cross-posted to alt.sex.

As for story archives, well, there used to be a few.
Unfortunately, due to misuse by people, they are no longer
around. In this section we used to mention a couple but they both
shut down for the same reasons: irresponsible, immature, and
greedy users over-used their services. When people misuse a
service offered to them that service generally shuts down.

Therefore, there are currently no known ftp sites for stories or
rec.arts.erotica. If any site ever dares to try to set up a ftp
story archive again people should definitely learn to respect the
system that is offering the archive and respect the wishes of the
archive's maintainers.

There is a mail-server for alt.sex.bondage and alt.sex.stories
right now (see section c2-7), but that service won't last long if
it is misused. Don't try to get the whole archive in one night!

If the newsgroups or archives do not have what you are looking
for the following person has volunteered his services in
e-mailing out alt.sex stories that you may be looking for.  Do
not abuse his services.

   Alt.sex stories contact:
     1) [email-masked] (Roy S. Rapoport) 

If anyone else would like to offer their services whether to
e-mail stories or to set up an archive, tell me. That way we can
spread the load around a little.

---------------------------------------

c2-4. Where can I find GIF pictures?

The newsgroups of the alt.binaries.pictures.* (like
a.b.p.erotica) are your best bet for X and R-rated GIFs.  For
pictures more along the line of swimsuit models, check out
wuarchive.wustl.edu via anonymous FTP, in graphics/gif.  The
images are arranged alphabetically. Don't abuse the ftp service
or it won't be here next month.

Also in alt.binaries.pictures.erotica are often jpgs and movies.
Read the alt.binaries.pictures.* FAQs for more info.

There is also a list of BBS' containing adult GIF files.  The
list is posted to alt.bbs.lists and alt.sex periodically.  There
are several hundred BBS' listed.

---------------------------------------

c2-5. What are good books to read up on?

   "Man's Body: an owner's manual"
   "Woman's Body: an owner's manual"
   "More Joy of Sex"

   Elf's ([email-masked]) recommended reading list includes:

   "The New Our Bodies, Ourselves."
    The Boston Women's Health Book Collective, 1984.

I don't care what sex you are, male or female, BUY AND READ THIS
BOOK COVER TO COVER!  If you feel it is necessary, ignore the
feminist attitudes taken in the political sections of the book
and rely on the technical details.  Although it was written
before the age of AIDS, NorPlant, and RU-486, it contains
information on every other method of birth control, as well as
articles on abortion, reproductive technology, and sexually
transmitted diseases.  An utterly invaluable book to women and
people who love them.

   "The Joy of Sex," by Alex Comfort

Although these two books have a few problems, they are excellent
introductory material for people who wish to try a few new
things. These books were written in the 1970's and it shows;
homosexual and bisexual issues are under the "Problem" header,
for instance.

   "Delicious Sex" by Gael Greene.

Since I rarely buy "mainstream" sex manuals any more, this one
may be just a typical example.  But it does have fun and sexy
examples.

   "Sex for One," by Betty Dodson.

The best guide to masturbation ever written.

   "Bi Any Other Name"

Is a useful book for people dealing with their own or a loved
one's bisexuality.

   "Coming to Power" by SAMOIS

Although primarily written for lesbians, "Coming to Power" is the
most practical guide to SM I have ever had the pleasure of
reading.

First Aid, physical and emotional safety, personal testimonies,
politics (sigh), and a few hot stories to boot!  Also useful from
the same source, "The Lesbian S/M Safety Manual," not for
lesbians only.

   FICTION:

   "The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty,"
   "Beauty's Punishment,"
   "Beauty's Release."  By Anne Rice, the author of "The Vampire
    Lestat" and "The Witching Hour,"  "The Erotic Adventures of
    Sleeping Beauty," is a wonderfully hot and sexy fantasy for
    anyone willing to spend a few sleepless hours.  Excellent
    bathtime reading.

   "Exit to Eden," also by Anne Rice.  Another sexy SM story,
    this one is set in modern-day New Orleans.

---------------------------------------

c2-6. What stores sell sex-toys, etc. ?

From: [email-masked] (Elf Sternberg) 

There are several different places to buy sex toys.  The most
common is the typical "adult" bookstore, where dildoes,
vibrators, and such can be bought.  Typically, though, these
places are ugly, dirty, and uncomfortable.

The most common place for people to buy sextoys are lingerie
stores, which usually have a shelf set up to sell vibrators,
oils, body flavorings and paint.  (Recommendations- whipped cream
and strawberry jelly are better than anything you could buy in
one of these places).

If you want a _real_ quality vibrator, buy a "body massager" at a
major department store, such as Service Merchandiser or Bests'.
With wall current you've got all the vibration you could ever
need and never worry about battery failure.  Just remember to use
lubricant!

See c3-24 for more info on vibrators.

---------------------------------------

c2-7. Where can I find the archives for alt.sex.bondage &
      alt.sex.stories?

From:   Richard Shetron  [email-masked]
                         [email-masked]

My email file server is now up and running.  This is a heavily
modified version of the decwrl package by Brian Reid.

The easiest way to get started is to read the rest of this
section and then send email to [email-masked] with the
word help as the first and only word on the subject line.

I will stay about 1-2 weeks behind alt.sex.bondage and
alt.sex.stories. These are the only two alt.sex groups that I
read and am archiving.  I am archiving both stories and articles
that I believe to be of general interest to those reading these
two groups.

Anonymous ftp is not available to this machine and is NOT
planned.  If you have any questions or problems with the server,
send email to [email-masked].  If you have
trouble getting email to that address, try
[email-masked].  Anonymous contact via wizvax may be
sent to either wi.5203 or wi.4717)@wizvax.methuen.ma.us.  DO NOT
use [email-masked] for server requests.
Requests sent to that address may end up in the bit bucket.

Due to circumstances beyond my control, hardware and/or system
crashes can normally take several days to resolve.  If email to
the server or the other contact addresses bounces, please wait at
least one week before retrying.  I will try to post service
interruption reports to alt.sex.bondage and alt.sex.stories. I
will also try to spread word on irc in #bondage.

Privacy/system logs:  The server logs all incoming requests and
all responses.  This information is retained for a few days
before being deleted.  I normally check the logs at least once a
day to try and find any server bugs/problems as early as
possible.  I don't care who you are or where you are unless you
are extremely greedy in accessing the server.

Anonymous access:  None currently, I am discussing this with
wizvax.

---------------------------------------

c2-8  Where can I find the Index to USENET Erotica?

From:   Ed Stauff        ([email-masked])

The "Index of USENET Erotica", also known as the Official
Alt.Sex.Story.Index, is maintained by Ed Stauff ([email-masked])
for his own amusement and as a service to the Net.  It is an
index to stories posted to rec.arts.erotica, alt.sex, and
alt.sex.stories.  It contains a fairly complete listing of
"vanilla" net.erotica; it does not include much S&M/B&D,
bestiality or gay material, due to Ed's own preferences.  (This
is not censorship; if you want to index such material, please do
so.)  Each listing includes the title (not a filename), author
(if known), size, archive name from rec.arts.erotica (if it has
one), and a brief synopsis/review. Now, listen closely: Ed is
*NOT* an archive site!  Requests for stories will be ignored! Got
that?  He's not keen on mailing out copies of the Index, either;
his net access is limited and he can't handle dozens of request
per week.  He posts it at irregular intervals to alt.sex and
alt.sex.stories; watch for it there.

------------------------------------------------------

c2-9  Where can I order from via catalog?

From: [email-masked] (Jonathan I. Kamens)

Here's a list of mail-order companies. The comments in
parentheses indicates what the company sells or other notes. Some
of them might not accept catalog orders over the phone, but they
probably all will by mail.

Adam & Eve
1 Apple Court
P.O. Box 800
Carrboro, NC  27510-0800
800-765-2326
(videos, toys, lingerie)

Intimate Treasures
P.O. Box 77902
San Francisco, CA  94107-0902
415-896-0944
(mostly other catalogs)

Leisure Time Products
P.O. Box 827
Gary, IN  46401-9900
800-874-8960
(videos, toys, lingerie)

Mellow Mail
P.O. Box 8000
San Rafael, CA  94912-8000
415-456-1800
(mostly lingerie)

National 96
P.O. Box 35445
Los Angeles, CA  90035
(videos)

Night Classics
P.O. Box 3916
Milford, CT  06460
203-878-8704
(video, toys, lingerie)

Ultra Video
P.O. Box 3812
Milford, CT  06460
203-876-9862

Video Bonanza
P.O. Box 35650
Los Angeles, CA  90035
(mostly videos, a small amount of toys, lingerie, etc.)
(probably the same company as "National 96")

VideoMail
P.O. Box 1550
Madison Square Station
New York, NY  10159
800-334-5474

Volume Video
P.O. Box 35268
Los Angeles, CA  90035
(probably the same company as "Volume Video")

=================================================================

Category 3.  GENERAL STUFF

c3-1. What should I do to make (the first attempt at) vaginal sex
      easiest?

   FOR THE VIRGIN FEMALE:

   1) Do it in a place where she feels safe, ideally in her own
      bedroom.
   2) Do it at a secure time, when roommates won't come barging
      in, a firedrill is unlikely, etc.
   3) Simulate it in advance:
      a. Go almost all the way.
      b. Practice the thrusting motions of sex while fully
         clothed.
      c. Have her give you a "hand job" so that she will know
         what your body does when you have an orgasm.
      d. Have a bright lights "show and tell" session, to allow
         you to feel secure around each other's naked bodies.
   4) Plan it, but don't talk about it being planned, on the
      actual day that you do it.
   5) Stretch the vagina out a lot with the fingers in advance.
      If she feels comfortable with the idea, she can even do
      this herself when you're not around.
   6) Remember that it is her day--everything, within reason,
      should be done how she wants.
   7) Spend the day with her beforehand; do something fun but
      generic-- if you do something complicated, it will become
      "your" thing to do together forever, due to the
      association, so make sure it's something you can stand
      doing again on any potential anniversaries.
   8) Have a special dinner before you "start."
      a. Nothing that can possibly upset the stomach.
      b. A moderate amount, even if you're nervous.  You should
         both stay a little hungry and not feel bloated.
   9) Use plenty of lubricant.  I recommend k-y jelly for the
      first few times; after that you may want to consider a
      slightly less slippery but spermicidal lubricant, several
      brands are available commercially.
  10) Entry should be "missionary" style, this leaves the vagina
      as wide open as possible.  Some women find that placing a
      pillow under the buttocks enhances this effect, others have
      said it doesn't matter.
  11) If she can do it, she may be best off to do the actual
      entry herself, but many women would rather not.
  12) There's no point in getting it over with right away, since
      it will only hurt the next time, but there is also no need
      to draw it out.
      I'd say 10-30 minutes is a good range, but it is actually
      going to vary a lot depending on the particular couple
      involved.
  13) Take forever, if necessary, before putting it in.  Only
      when the woman is really ready should this be done. I'd
      recommend asking verbally, and then interpreting that to
      see if she really means it's time.
  14) Stay with her afterwards.  Spend the night, at least.  If
      possible, take her to do something spontaneous the next
      day.  Discuss what happened if she wants to, many women
      won't want to until some later time.
  15) Encourage her to talk to other women ahead of time to give
      her some idea of what to expect.  The unknown means fear,
      fear leads to tension, tension leads to difficulty
      relaxing, and difficulty relaxing leads to pain.
  16) A useful technique, for guys who can do this, is to keep
      the erection soft, at a sort of middling state, and then
      push the penis in with a finger.  Then slowly let it
      harden.  This will produce a stretching rather than a
      sudden opening of the vagina.  If you can't do this, then
      at least go in slowly and gently, "getting it over with
      fast" is not likely to be better.
  17) Be more or less "in love."  This is something you can't
      just decide to do, but it can help to wait until you love
      each other.

   FOR THE VIRGIN MALE:
   (from: Carole Ashmore)

OK. This is on the assumption that he's told you it's going to be
his first (some men tell you *afterward*) and that the two of you
are not first-timers fumbling together. In the both-first-timers
case I recommend strong egos, mutual respect and affection, and a
great sense of humor. Also theoretical knowledge *helps*. Read
the fucking manual. (Sorry I just couldn't resist the play on
words.) I recommend anything by Alex Comfort; THE JOY OF SEX and
THE FACTS OF LOVE are very good.

But on the assumption that he is a virgin and you are
experienced:

   1. There is a socially prevalent notion that men make love and
      women are made love to, so an experienced woman with an
      inexperienced man is going to be gritting her teeth
      enduring his fumbling ineptitude.
      *Actively counter this notion.* Tell him the thought of his
      being a virgin makes it a special and especially delightful
      encounter for you. Tell him the thought of initiating him
      into the joys of love-making is *very sexy for you*.
      Strongly convey the notion that you expect to have a great
      sexual experience based on his attractiveness, his
      enjoyment, and *your* skill. Make him believe that he has
      no responsibility for 'making this work' and can just enjoy
      it.
   2. Take the initiative physically. You kiss him, don't wait
      for him to kiss you. You start undressing him. You make the
      move in the direction of the bedroom. ETC. On the other
      hand, don't insist on the initiative if he takes it eagerly
      -- be appreciative, encourage it, but don't go limp and
      assume he'll take it from here.
   3. Tell him you find at least one thing about his body
      particularly attractive. Stay away from "You have beautiful
      eyes.", but almost anything else will do: Tell him you love
      men with hairy chests, or tell him he has a great ass, or
      tell him men with strong hands particularly turn you on, or
      tell him you love the way he smells, or tell him running
      your fingers through his hair is *so* sensual, or...
      something *specific*, not just, "You've got a great body."
      or "You're so sexy." After you tell him this, *show* him --
      run your fingers through his hair, enjoy grabbing the sexy
      ass, etc. as appropriate.
   4. Tell him you find at least one thing he does particularly
      attractive -- again, it is the *specific* thing that is
      believed and appreciated. "I love the way you kiss." or
      "Yes, touch me exactly like that." beats the hell out of
      "You're a great lover."
   5. He's going to be convinced he was either too fast or too
      slow -- the chances of simultaneous orgasm after whatever
      the culture has led him to believe is the 'proper' amount
      of time are just about nil. So be prepared ahead of time to
      convince him that this:
         A. isn't a problem
         B. happens to just about everybody.
      For 'too fast' tell him the first time just takes the edge
      off and he (not you) will have more time to enjoy the next
      session of lovemaking -- and meanwhile he has this
      wonderful opportunity (of *unspecified* length) to learn
      what pleases you while he's not so distracted. Assure him
      that you consider 'not being too distracted while learning'
      an *advantage* in lovemaking. For 'too slow' tell him you
      *enjoy* prolonged lovemaking -- either it gives you a
      chance for more than one orgasm or it gives you a chance to
      enjoy the wonderful sensuality of post-orgasmic sex. If
      it's obvious that it's too slow for him, that he's not
      going to make it if he keeps at it for the next two hours,
      let him know that he gave *you* a wonderful time and that
      everybody's nervous the first time, he'll be more relaxed
      and ready to enjoy it in the morning.
   6. Tell him you want to sleep with him again; don't assume he
      knows it -- don't make him ask, you ask.

---------------------------------------

c3-2. What should I do to make (the first attempt at) oral sex
      easiest? (See questions c3-4 and c3-9 for the related
      topics, hand jobs and the G-spot)

From: [email-masked] (Peter L. Hurd)
Message-ID: <[email-masked]>
Date: Sat, 7 Mar 1992 05:46:19 GMT

So I asked the expert, she said:

   1) really like the penis that you're sucking
   2) don't let any air in through the back of the throat, big
      vacuum.
   3) Horizontal strumming with the tongue across the base of the
      head on the underside to get limp penises up
   4) Use the top of the tongue to make friction on the head,
      pressing it up against the roof of the mouth.

I'd add: watch the teeth & I know this isn't anything new or
exciting, it's really difficult to describe how to perform oral
sex on a man, just as it is very difficult to describe to someone
how to tie shoelaces or bowties. But for the good of the species,
I think it's worth a try.

From: [email-masked]

The best way to learn is to experiment and learn from feedback.
Different people like different things. There are some general
comments that might be worth making. At the least it will get
someone to contradict me and start a useful discussion.

FOR HIM:

Deep-throating apparently requires handling the gag reflex by
swallowing when it happens. In my opinion, it isn't that
important. Complete enclosure isn't the strong point of oral
stimulation. If that is important to you, try something else. She
may be able to help by using her hands on the part of the shaft
she can't enclose. The advantage of oral stimulation is the
control and variety it provides, which are only available with
shallower penetration anyway.

>From others.somewhere.edu:

I find that it helps if you are hungry when you do it. Never
attempt going down on a guy if you've eaten a big meal recently.
Make sure that you're not thirsty when you start. For some reason
thirst closes up the back of your throat.

Also, concentrate on breathing through your nose deeply while
doing it. (This is the only way I can hold off chocking on my
toothbrush every morning.)

According to Linda Lovelace of "Deep Throat" fame, the most
comfortable way to give a blow job is if your throat is straight.
In order to achieve this, try laying on his chest.

She also suggests that you practice by sticking your fingers down
your throat and wiggling them around til you feel the gag reflex
and then ease off. Repeat until you've defeated the reflex, it'll
take time she says.

>From [email-masked]:

FOR HER:

First of all, recognize that women prefer gentler and more
rhythmic stimulation than men. An advantage of using the tongue
instead of the fingers is that it naturally produces about the
right amount of pressure. Stimulation inside the vagina needs to
be firmer and also requires more reach, so it is better handled
with the fingers. If she is sensitive internally, there is no
reason to be a purist and insist on using only your mouth. Trying
to apply firm pressure or get too much reach with my tongue is
the only way I've ever had it get tired. Otherwise it seems to be
inexhaustible for hours.

The tongue and lips are obviously the source of most oral
stimulation. I have read descriptions of using the teeth for
stimulation but I don't recommend it. The tissues are very
sensitive and one uncontrolled body movement from her could cause
a lot of pain and leave a scratch. This can also occur with
fingernails, so keep them short, with no rough edges. The only
use I've found for teeth during oral sex is pressing their front
surface through the cushion of the upper lip to apply firm
pressure to the buried root of the clitoris at the base of the
pubic bone. If she really wants hard pressure on the clitoris,
you might try using your teeth with your lips rolled inwards to
cover the surfaces (a technique borrowed from nipple
stimulation).

The clitoris is your main area of concentration. Some women don't
like it to be stimulated directly because it is too sensitive. It
also may disappear under its hood at some stages of arousal and
stopping to try and locate it again disrupts the stimulation. In
both these cases, the hood and labia (lips) nearby should be
stimulated to indirectly stimulate the clitoris. The labia are
sensitive themselves as well.

Trying to stimulate the vagina orally is difficult and not very
effective except for a little variety. I've always found the 69
(mutual oral sex) positions give the wrong angle for best access,
though that might be due to less experience with them. They
definitely make it more difficult for the female to stimulate the
male well, since they place the sensitive underside of the penis
away from her tongue. It is usually better to take turns giving
and receiving anyway, just to avoid distraction.

There is a wide variety of types of stimulation that can be used.
The tongue can be used flat to broadly stroke areas or pointed to
tease a small area. Linear, circular or any other imaginable
motions can be used. The lips can apply suction, press something
between them, or have their wet and outward rolled inner surfaces
used for broad strokes like the tongue. The nose can provide some
interesting stimulation when the tongue is occupied lower down.
Mustaches and beards can be used to tickle with.

You can blow a narrow stream of cool air at a spot or breathe
warm air over an entire area (just don't try to inflate the
vagina; it may be dangerous). Experiment and find out what works
best for you and your partner. It may change at different times
and levels of arousal. Light teasing and varied stimulation are
good for early arousal, but steady rhythmic stimulation is best
for bringing her to orgasm. You just have to learn her responses
to avoid changing stimulation too quickly for her to get excited
or staying with the same stimulation after it has lost
effectiveness.

---------------------------------------

c3-3. What should I do to make (the first attempt at) anal sex
      easiest?

Compiled, edited, and reorganized by [email-masked]
with material from ([email-masked] (Sharon Tsou), KAT,
[email-masked] (Christopher L. Wood), [email-masked]
(Atomic Playboy), and [email-masked] (Raymond Peck)

STRETCH FIRST

The key to attempting anal sex is two-fold: stretching exercises
and relaxation. This is to accomplish two things:

1)   to get your virgin ass used to something inside it, and
2)   to get your ass used to something as large as your partner's
     cock.

Stretching exercises will give you a chance to learn the needed
relaxation for the first attempt. The faster you learn to relax
the muscles involved, the easier it will be. You can use either a
dildo or fingers for the stretching exercises.

USING A DILDO

These are available at just about every adult bookstore and many
mail-order places (see question c2-6). Once you get one, you
should just practice using it. You'll probably find it easier to
at least use some lubricant, at least on the first couple inches
of it (more on this later), as well as on your asshole, and a
little inside your anus.

This is to make the penetration much easier. The actual
penetration of the head of the penis is probably the most
difficult part, which is why a dildo is more realistic, and you
should most likely spend a fair amount of time getting used to
it. This can either be just inserting it up to the head, then
pulling it out and putting it in again, or completely inserting
it, and then removing it. You should do it enough until you get
to the point where you feel pretty comfortable with it. (Well, as
comfortable as it can be).

There are two steps to practice insertion with the dildo. First,
you want to insert it the "normal" way, moving and rotating the
dildo around to find the most comfortable position for you. Do it
this way, so that you know which ways are more acceptable, and
which ways are more difficult or feel a bit painful.

When you have this down, you want to repeat the "exercise", only
now trying to keep the dildo as stationary as possible, moving
your ass and body to facilitate its entry. This is a better
simulation of when he really tries to penetrate you, because
(especially if you're on the bottom and he's on the top) you
really can't expect to be able to reach around and move his cock
to where you want it. You're going to have to be able to adjust
your body to his thrusts. I really can't tell you the best way to
do this, although doing it in whatever position you expect to be
in with him (on your stomach or back, for example) would probably
be the best way to also practice it.

USING FINGERS

All you need are your or your partner's fingers. Of course, you
can't have long nails. You start out by slowly pushing one well-
lubricated finger (index is best and hand lotion or vaginal
juices work fine).

Slowly move this in and out, gradually pressing more against the
walls of the anus. Since an "anal virgin" will probably be
nervous about this, his/her anal muscles will tend to contract,
causing pain. So it helps if he/she/you (I'll use 'she' from now
on) reads, listens to music, or masturbates so her mind will be
off her anus. After the muscles loosen up, put another finger in
along with the first, and then keep moving them the same way.
Eventually, add a third, and, usually, by the time you can put
four fingers in comfortably, an average sized penis should be
able to fit (although keep in mind most penises are *longer* than
fingers, so you may not be able to push it in as far).

THE REAL THING

USE A CONDOM AND LUBRICANT

When the time comes that you do have anal sex with him, I would
recommend having a condom. I think we all know the potential
dangers of sex (especially anal sex) when not using one, so
there's no real explanation needed.

They also help reduce the mess (although if you go to the
bathroom before this, and wash your ass with a wet rag, the
inside of your rectum will be quite clean, and you should be able
to put a finger in it without it picking up any solid particles),
and you can have anal sex with a condom on, then pull off the
condom and have vaginal sex. Remember to urinate before getting
buttfucked, because this position puts pressure on the bladder.

The next item is a good lubricant. I always use it with my one
inch thick dildo, so I have to think you would definitely need to
use some with a much larger real cock. While Vaseline is okay to
use when practising yourself, it is unacceptable to use when
using a condom, since it will start to break the latex down. KY
is usually the preferred choice.

Lube up both the outside of the anus and the penis shaft (very
important!). Any lubricant that is condom compatible is ok, that
means water-based. So do not use vaseline, baby oil, or cold
cream. Use KY Jelly, AstroGlide, HR, or PrePair. PrePair is a
good one because it contains nonoxynyl-9, which is a spermicide
that also can kill many bacteria. Spit is also a viable
lubricant, provided that you keep replenishing it. It evaporates
more readily than other lubricants, especially during lengthy (ho
ho) sessions, so you'll have to be aware.

GOING FOR IT: take it *slow*

Okay, now that we've got the preparatory details out of the way,
it's time to enter. You should proceed VERY slowly. Place the
head of your penis against the anus, and then, apply a SMALL
amount of pressure so that the penis enters very slowly. It is
important to maintain control on entry because if you apply too
much pressure and the anal muscles just 'give way' it could hurt
like hell. Once you two become accustomed to doing this, it will
become much easier.

Getting inside may take anywhere from 15 seconds to 15 minutes.
Don't be impatient! If you push too hard or go too fast, you can
tear her. This isn't really serious, but it'll surely end your
fun for the day! She may want you to ease up on the pressure at
times to allow her body to get used to the opening. When she
gives you the go-ahead, it often helps to do a bit of short
stroking, starting with ~1/8" and going to maybe 1". When you
start to slide inside, she will most likely open up and relax
better. Don't start out thrusting, just gently move back and
forth, or just get it inside and rest it there until she's used
to it.

This is the most important part for her comfort and pleasure.
Basically, you apply a bit of pressure, and as she relaxes she
will let you in. Sometimes the act of her "pushing out" (like
defecating) will relax her sphincter. After you become more used
to it, a slight (~ 1/4") pumping of the pressure will let her
open up faster.

Sometimes she will find it painful for you to go in all the way:
it's similar to hitting the cervix. Don't go in all the way! Just
be very gentle at bottom of the stroke 'till it eases up.

After a while, if she is properly relaxed, you should not need to
be gentle: you can pump away with mad abandon. In fact, some find
this most stimulating. I pump all the way in, and then all the
way out, pulling completely out of her for a moment (although not
too long, 'cause she'll start to contract right away).

OTHER STUFF

Never switch orifices (i.e. going from anal to vaginal play)
without carefully washing with soap and water. Bacteria from the
colon can cause nasty vaginal infections. If you are using sex
toys (dildos or anal plugs) cover it with a condom first, so you
can simply pull off the condom and put on a fresh one to use on
another orifice or another partner, provided that you don't have
contaminated lubricant oozing all over the place.

You may or may not be need some type of pillow. This is basically
to prop under the ass or lay under the stomach to make the angle
of penetration a little easier. Whether you need this will depend
on where you have sex (it may be impractical to bring one, or the
positioning may be good enough already).

If you are into learning from pornography (and if you just want a
good laugh ;-)) I would suggest that you check out Hollywood
Video's "The Best of Caught From Behind: Part II". It's very
pornographic, very informative, and very funny. It's up to you
though.

POSITIONS

As for positions, it's usually easiest for insertion (unless
she's *really* excited!) in the spoon position. This also gives
you access to easily stimulate her in other ways. Be careful not
to transfer anything from the anal region to the vagina: this can
cause infections. I usually keep a set of fingers or a hand
"clean" for this purpose. This is also, of course, important for
non-intercourse anal stimulation, such as cunnilingus with some
fingers rubbing, some inside her vagina, and some in her anus.
Keep those fingers partitioned!

We usually switch to "on the knees-face in the pillow, her
pressing hard on her clit and pubic bone", to avoid severe
abrasion burns! ;-) Spoon position allows her more control over
initial insertion, while the other, well, it has its own
advantages!

The other positions, after initial insertion, to face-to-face,
with her legs on my shoulders. This really allows some serious
depth.

The position depends largely on how well you two fit together. If
you are tall and if your SO is short, you might want to try
having her lie flat on her stomach. You could also have her lie
on her back with her knees drawn up. In this situation, it might
be a good idea to place a pillow under her buttocks (depending on
what the two of you like). If dimensional factors permit, she
could also be on her hands and knees.