Grapevine April 2009 - Too smart for AA?

Grapevine April 2009 Vol. 65 No. 9

Too smart for AA?
It took him years to get that he simply needed meetings

A recent letter to the Grapevine said, "You can't be too dumb for this program, but you can be too smart." This stuck a note with me because it told my story exactly. Maybe I should say, "I thought I was too smart." I presently have been sober 37 years, and I'm grateful that I dumbed down. This is my story:

I started my career working for an electronics company in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, after leaving the Navy in the late '50s. My drinking had progressed to a point where my marriage was being affected. I managed to keep my job and suffer through this difficult marriage for several years with controlled drinking. I had become an instructor at this company, teaching customers how to use electronics equipment, so I was too smart to be an alcoholic. Alcoholics were those who were not smart enough to control their drinking, especially skid-row bums and those without an education.

My drinking reached a point where my wife threatened a divorce if I did not do something. My trouble was her, not the drinking! I finally agreed to talk to a couple guys she'd tricked me into seeing. They, of course, were in AA, and I met them for a discussion. I agreed to go to a few AA meetings. I was then in my late 20s. I think I went to about three or four meetings and remember not identifying or fitting in at all. In fact, at the first meeting, I remember saying my name and that I was there to observe only! I would not identify myself as an alcoholic.

Of course you know the outcome. We went through the divorce and my troubles were gone, right? This was in the mid-60s and the Apollo Program was in full swing. The company I was working for designed the communications equipment for the Apollo spacecraft. I became the instructor for those using this equipment. Now I was really smart! I couldn't be an alcoholic with these brains. Also, they wanted to transfer me to California to teach the astronauts, flight controllers and engineers. I got rid of my wife and now I got rid of the state of Iowa that caused all my problems.

IN 1966 I headed for California and a new life. I was obsessed with controlling my drinking. After all, I was a smart guy, and anyone with my smarts could do that, right? My drinking continued and progressively worsened. I started missing work and getting into trouble on business trips to the space centers in Houston and Florida. I would lose the rental car and get kicked out of bars. I would wake up in parking lots after a fight. I would not be allowed on flights leaving the Los Angeles airport because I was drunk. The only reason I kept my job was because I was protected by the "good ole boy network." I still would not give up! I was too smart to have this happen and, above all, too smart for AA.

In 1970, I received my third DUI and had to spend time in the Los Angeles County Jail. Wow . . . a smart guy like me? Can't be! I obtained a leave of absence from my company to do the time. I was crushed. This must be a mistake.

My experience in the jail did not wake me up. I still felt that I was not an alcoholic, but a victim of bad luck. In fact I was in a cell with a wino and tried to convince him to go to AA. He might have a problem. When I sat down for the interview for my jail job, I said I was an instructor for the astronauts. I figured for sure I would be assigned to the office near the head of the jail to do bookkeeping or give advice. I finally got the word: I was assigned to the kitchen chopping lettuce and cabbage! My ego was shot. Me? A smart guy? Unbelievable!

Finally, the day came when I was to be released. Several of us got caught playing Poker, which was not allowed. The guard said that we would get 30 more days. I was due to be released at midnight, and I lay in my bunk that night praying to God to please let me out. If he would let me out, I would quit drinking and shape up. Well, I did get released, but my first thought was, I have two hours before the bars close.

My experience in jail did not wake me up. I was in a cell with a wino and tried to convince him to go to AA. He might have a problem.

I continued to drink for two more months, and it got worse. The day came when I finally hit bottom and couldn't take anymore. I realized that I was an alcoholic and had to quit: March 9, 1971. I had remarried and my brother-in-law was in the program. I gave him a call and asked if he was going to a meeting that night. He picked me up and I went to the meeting in La Puente, California, that night. It was the beginning of a new life for me.

Now this is the best part. You see, I was too smart for AA, but in the La Puente AA Group, I found those who taught me that you can't be too dumb. What I learned in this group about life and sobriety came from people who were skid-row bums, train hobos, a junkyard worker, a blacktop worker, gasman, swimming pool worker, etc. I knew nothing about life and how to stay sober. They were my instructors in life and sobriety. That was 37 years ago, and I will never forget the people who saved me and my career.

"AA is a program for alcoholics from Yale or from jail," as the letter writer said.

Gary S.
Primghar, Iowa