| Once upon a time, a British Company and the Japanese decided to have a competitive boat race on the River Thames. The Japanese won by a mile. The British firm became very discouraged by the loss and morale sagged. Senior Management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, and a project team was set up to investigate the problem and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering. The British team had one person rowing and eight people steering. Senior management immediately hired a consultancy company to do a study of the British team's structure. Millions of pounds and several months later, they concluded that: "Too many people were steering and not enough rowing". To prevent losing to the Japanese next year, the team structure was changed to "four Steering Managers","three Senior Steering Managers", and one Executive Steering Manager". A performance and appraisal system was set up to give the person rowing the boat more incentive to work harder and become a key performer. The next year the Japanese won by two miles. The British company laid off the rower for 'poor performance', sold off all the oars, cancelled all capital investment for new equipment and halted development of a new boat, AWARDED high performance awards to the consultants and distributed the mony saved to senior management |
If you introduce your wife as "[email protected]".
If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
If you want an 8X CD-ROM for Christmas
If Dilbert is your hero
If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
If you can name six Star Trek episodes
If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail
If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50
If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place
If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kid's toys
If you use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car
If you use coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts
If at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt out bulb in the string
If you window shop at Radio Shack
If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies
If you have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area
If you carry on a one hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run
If you are convinced you can build a phaser out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment - and you do
If you have modified your can opener to be microprocessor driven
If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush
If you own "Official Star Trek" anything
If you have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside
If a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception
If you have ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project.
If you are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor
If you own one or more white short sleeved dress shirts
If you have never backed up your hard drive
If you are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say it out loud
If you truly believe aliens live amongst us
If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance
If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is"
If you see a good design and still have to change it
If the salespeople at PC World can't answer any of your questions
If you still own a slide rule and still know how to work it
If the though that a CD could refer to finance or to music never enters your mind
If you own a set of itty-bitty screwdrivers, but you don't remember where they are
If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tyres
If you have more toys than your kids
If you need a checklist to turn on your TV
If you introduced your kids by the wrong name
If you a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work
If your IQ number is bigger than your weight
If the microphone, or the visual aids, at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix it
If you can remember seven computer passwords but not your anniversary
If you have memorised the program schedule for the discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already
If you have ever owned a calculator with no "=" key and know what "RPN" stands for
If your father sat two inches in front of your families first colour TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colours, and you grew up thinking that was normal
If you know how to take the cover off your computer, and what size screwdriver to use
If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting
If people groan at the party when you pick out the music
If you can't remember where you parked your car for the third time this week
If you did the sound system for your senior prom
If your chequebook always balances
If your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone
If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life
If you thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission controllers
If you think that when people around you yawn, its because they didn't get enough sleep
If you spend more on your home computer than your car
If you know what "http" stands for
If you have ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio
If you have ever neatly sorted a collection of old nuts and bolts in your garage
If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try and explain atmosphere absorption theory
If your laptop computer costs more than your car.
If your four basic food groups are:1 Caffeine
2 Fat
3 Sugar
4 Chocolate
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