It's All True -- The Very Longish Version (tell me when to stop) 1963 -- Born at age 9 months in Kansas City, MO -- home of great beefsteak. 1965 -- Lost some sensation of taste in my famous "Drink bleach" experiment 1968 -- Voted Mr Kindergarten USA by readers of Parade Magazine. 1969 -- Moved to Memphis TN -- home of aggressive stinging insects. 1969 -- Toured with Grateful Dead in Thigpen's backpack. 1970 -- Went to Vietnam as part of LBFM protest movement - lost 1970 -- Moved to Canton OH in defeat. 1971 -- Caused panic in neighborhood by crossing block on garage roofs. 1972 -- Debated Richard Nixon on steps of Lincoln Memorial -- won. 1973 -- Moved to Massillon, OH as part of cultural exchange program. 1976 -- Licensed ham radio operator, thus ensuring permanent nerd-ity 1977 -- Hospitalized on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day for electrical shock. 1978 -- Organized world-wide Comet Kahoutek hoax. 1980 -- First two-person sexual experience (uh, hem...that's male/female, sir). 1980 -- NERTs begin to clot together, like blood. 1981 -- High School Graduation (famous Benny Hill experiment a success) 1981 -- Intake clerk at County Welfare office -- yep, you bet. 1981 -- Met lifelong friend Randy Farmhand. 1981 -- National Merit Scholar at University of Akron. 1981 -- Great Trip to New Mexico with E. Marang and an unspeakable ass. I still want to kill him (the unspeakable ass, that is). 1982 -- Part-time board op and Assistant Engineer, WHLO 1982 -- "Four's Company" experiment with E. Marang, C. McAdams, C. Gibbs. 1982 -- Flew last SR-71 spyplane mission over Quebec 1983 -- Shacked up one-on-one w/C. Gibbs (Shut up! I DO mean one-on-one). 1983 -- Bought first car, a 1965 Ford Falcon (The "Glittering Falcoon") 1983 -- Earned First Class RadioTelephone License which soon thereafter morphed into a dumb General Class ticket -- Thanks so much FCC. 1983 -- Chief Engineer, WHLO. Sigh... things were so simple back then. 1984 -- Falcon loses brakes, front wheel, rear springs, floor, at various times. 1984 -- Quit Univ of Akron -- too boish for my taste, apparently. 1984 -- WHLO van looses rear wheel -- begin to suspect conspiracy on my life. 1984 -- Bought Chevy Citation - a fine touring sedan. 1984 -- Moved to Orlando, Florida to be near "The Frozen One", Walt Disney. 1984 -- Asst Chief Engineer, WKIS & Chief Engineer, The Florida Network. 1985 -- Molly the Corgi dog adopted. Furniture destroyed. 1985 -- Found out "The Frozen One" was in California -- Moved to Norfolk VA. 1985 -- Chief Engineer, WGH AM/FM. 1986 -- Married C. Gibbs in Jackson OH (altho I maintain "shacked-up" counts). 1986 -- Severely beaten in Anti-Semitic riot in downtown Norfolk. 1986 -- Bought Nissan Sentra -- a reliable vehicle. 1987 -- Forced to buy first house, a Cape Cod, having crossed the unforgiving Norfolk Rental Mafia. 1988 -- NERT Rescue mission delivers air conditioning unit for ham shack. 1988 -- Stood in front of tank in Tienanmen Square, Beijing 1989 -- Flew B-17 bomber, lined up on wrong runway, sheared the tail wheel pin on landing. 1989 -- Attended Disney-MGM opening, ate giant shrimp, chased oriental woman in hot dress around the park VIP party. 1990 -- Daughter Kaitlin Rose Johnston born in glorious fashion. 1990 -- Moved to York PA, bought bi-level house (and I DO mean *bi*) 1990 -- Starred as Frank Booth in film "Blue Velvet" 1991 -- Engineering Manager, WSBA/WARM-FM. 1991 -- Bought Jeep Cherokee family transporter. 1992 -- Chosen to be Grand Marshall of the "Well-Hung Dog Parade" in NYC. 1992 -- Steps collapsed in Fallout Shelter, fell 10 feet into cave-like hole in ground, lacerated and broke ankle. Climbed out on stacked up Civil Defense water canisters. 1992 -- Caught breaking into Governor's Mansion with wild boar under my arm. 1993 -- NERTs & C. Gibbs spring great surprise30th birthday party on me. 1993 -- Accidentally knocked down section of Berlin Wall -- others follow suit. 1993 -- Son Noah S. Johnston born in glorious fashion. 1994 -- Circulated famous "Elvis on Jupiter" troll on Internet w/great success. 1994 -- Noah falls off kitchen counter (oh man...)and breaks jaw three ways. 1994 -- Molly the dog is killed in Jackson OH, cremated, ashes UPS'ed to York. 1994 -- Ordained as Reverend Doktor of the Church of the SubGenius 1995 -- Joint NERT vacation to Hilton Head, South Carolina. 1995 -- Arrested for telling traffic cop my license was under my balls. 1995 -- Discovered the joys of homebrewing beer. 1996 -- Bought Sophie the Shiba-inu dog. Furniture destroyed. 1995 -- Returned Sophie to breeder -- everyone happier. 1996 -- Noah has nervous breakdown at Chuck E. Cheese Pizza Place. 1996 -- Starred in Mystery Science Theater 3000 on-line Sci-Fi MSTify. 1997 -- Adopted Harry the Dalmation-mix dog. Furniture OK so far. 1998 -- Voted most-likely to get thrown out of the pressbox at Camden Yards ballpark. 1999 -- Harry the Dalmation-mix dog increasingly unstable. 1999 -- Successfully protested the Swatch "Beatnik" internet-time promotional satellite. 2000 -- Y2K: all generators running and no place to go. 2000 -- Harry the Dalmation-mix dog put down. 2000 -- Moved to Boise, Idaho. 2000 -- Director of Engineering & Operations, Boise State Radio 2001 -- Met fellow conspirators in New Orleans to develop 5-year plan to depopulate the city. 2001 -- Adopted Anni, the Black lab dog. 2001 -- LBFMs move to Idaho - there was much rejoicing. 2002 -- Studied Japanese, got all "A"s but can't remember a thing. 2002 -- Called a "lyin', cheatin' bastard" by a looney at a hamfest. 2002 -- Graduated with a B.A. in History from BSU. 2002 -- Schmoozes with the heir to the Drano fortune in Sun Valley, Idaho 2003 -- Stuck at the top of Deer Point mountain. 2003 -- Hung out with *the* Batman, Adam West, in Sun Valley. 2004 -- Interim General Manager, Boise State Radio. 2004 -- Naked soaking in the hotsprings in the river at Salmon, Idaho. 2004 -- Bathed pet rats Cedric and Gandhi (they looked like drowned rats). 2005 -- Moved to Madison, Wisconsin - home of the elusive "cheese-badger" 2005 -- Director of Engineering & Operations, Wisconsin Public Radio. 2006 -- Built new radio bureau in the shape of a wedge of cheese in Green Bay, Wisconsin. 2007 -- Restored BC-1T broadcast rig from Two Rivers, WI for home operation on 160m. 2007 -- Still driving the 1991 Jeep Cherokee. Looking for a Ford Falcon on eBay.