COOKEN website

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Most of the recent page errors were generated on 8 August 2004 while under the influence of BENGAY fumes. Address all complaints, comments, death threats, great deals on used cars, used deals on great cars, escape plans, martian roadkill recipes, winning lottery numbers, phone numbers of lottery winners, and other misc. weirdness to:

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CLAIMER: Ok, I admit it, everything is my fault (even the part about the french toast sticking to the side of the rhinoceros). I am NOT sorry, and given the chance I'll do it all again. If the rest of those people didn't want their swimming pools filled with lime Jell-o, then they should have kept them out of my microwave. Further, if the world ever needs more turtle wax, you can just about bet that I'll be right there squeezing turtles with the rest of them. To top it all off, I still wear clothes made from the hide of the almost extinct nauga. SO THERE! If you had any sense of decency you'd turn your computer off right now and go tear a tag off of a mattress (if anyone complains tell them I said it was ok).