For Internal Use Only
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For Internal Use Only |
The following document will explain new standards for technical support call handing. Call types are scored by skill set, type of caller and percentage of shift worked. SCHPS scores will be calculated by this dynamic criteria and other managerial considerations.
Skill Set 1:
Dialup Windows/Macintosh and cable Internet
Skill Set 2:
Dialup Windows/Macintosh, Unix/Linux, OS2, cable Internet, DSL, Home Networking, fiber optic cable splicing, Emachine, Emachine-printer isssues, USB devices (including but not limited to; cameras, scanners, printers, plotters, electric fans, reading lights, small kitchen appliances, home stereo equipment and home theater systems), diesel mechanics, category 5 cabling (as per EIA/TIA standards), electric garage door openers, General Radio-Telephone Operator (with Radar endorsement), home/car alarm systems, tattoo removal, in vetro fertilization/human cloning, plumbing/electrical repairs, chemical/biologic/nuclear weapons inspection, horse husbandry, applied descriptive geometry, inland vessel navigation, advanced jet propulsion systems, fuel-cell technology, PlayStation 2 and X-Box.
| Caller type 1:
Sweet little-old-lady. This type of caller will follow instructions very carefully but will have difficulties with hearing, typing, clicking the mouse into the correct fields, clicking correct mouse button, shortsightedness and/or farsightedness, using a computer with screen resolution greater than 320x240 and remaining awake during the call. This caller will steer the conversation toward discussions of personal medical issues and her grandchildren. |
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Skill Set 1: 1:15:00 Skill Set 2: 50:00 |
| Caller type 2:
happy clicker/clueless newbie This caller will not be completely focused on the task at hand. Chances are that he will have several other windows open even after he has been told to close all windows and go to desktop. A wise strategery is frequent restarts. User also believes that Windows 2000 and Windows Millennium Edition are the same thing. User normally has several calls logged that include clearing Internet Explorer history "before my wife gets home". |
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Skill Set 1: 45:00 Skill Set 2: 42:00 |
| Caller type 3:
Disgruntled Blue-Collar Worker This caller holds you personally responsible for his inability to connect to the Internet. The likely cause is metal shavings and/or cigar smoke in his CPU or basic lack of keyboarding skills when typing his username/password. While gazing at this guy's username, password, address, phone number and mother's maiden name he's threatening to come down and "squeeze your head". After you fix his connectivity issue, feel free to sign him up for more spam. |
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Skill Set 1: 11:45 Skill Set 2: 10:00 |
| Caller type 4:
"I invented the Internet" This caller may have invented the Internet however he seems somewhat unfamiliar with a two button mouse as he will keep asking if that is a "left click or a right click". He is very similar to caller type 1 however, he has the ability to hear and see. |
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Skill Set 1: 30:00 Skill Set 2: 34:00 |
| Caller type 5:
What, me worry? This is usually the helpful neighbor kid or the offspring of the primary account holder (note the similar appearance and mannerisms to caller type 6). He is described as very computer literate. However this kid has the attention span of a monkey on crack. This comes from playing video games and watching 30 second commercial spots during the Super Bowl. He is most noted for long periods of silence after being giving simple instructions. |
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Skill Set 1: 40:00 Skill Set 2: 34:00 |
| Caller type 6:
Wrong number/dead air Should have figured out he called the wrong number before he navigated the phone tree. This caller will likely hang up before you answer. If you do speak with him, refer to him as "Beelzebub" or "my Dark Lord" until he hangs up.
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Skill Set 1: :10 Skill Set 2: :10
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| Caller type 7:
"I'm Gumby, damn it!" He's Gumby, damn it!
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Skill Set 1: N/A Skill Set 2: N/A
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Caller type 8: Smart, curt bastard This caller has probably forgotten more about computers than you will ever know. He is using an operating system which has a EULA written in Klingon. He's usually calling for mail server names or a pop number. He wont want help configuring anything because he very likely wrote his own mail client or Internet dialer and he knows we wont support whatever he's doing anyway.
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Skill Set 1: 1:45 Skill Set 2: 1:00 |
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0 to 25% |
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Highly Effective:
Agent is well rested and ready to take on type 1, type 2 and type 5 customers with fast and excellent results. SCHPS score will be divided by 25 |
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26 to 50% |
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Less Than Highly Effective:
Agent is shaken but not stirred by two hours of type 1 and type 2 calls. Numbness of the face and hands are the obvious symptoms at this stage. Agent would welcome some type 3 callers. SCHPS score will be divided by 50 |
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51 to 75% |
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Effective:
Agent has finished a healthy lunch and several strong alcoholic beverages and/or an unhealthy dose of mind altering chemicals and is ready to face the challenge of the second half of the day. SCHPS score will be divided by 75. |
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76 to 100% |
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Less Than Effective:
Agent is quite worn down by not only the number of calls handled but by the incredibly mind numbing situations the callers find themselves in. Complete loss of bowel and motor control is experienced at this point. SCHPS score will be divided by 100 |
SCHPS score is calculated by the following simple formula:
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SCHPS = |
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Where:
Cv = Call Volume
Av = Average Wait time
CT = handle time by caller type
NA = Avogadro's Number
bb = Circumference of BB in light years
SS = Score from percentage of shift worked
Alc = Quantity of alcohol consumed in ounces *
m = Arbitrary number chosen by Shift Manager
hr = Arbitrary number chosen by Human Resources Director
æ = Affectionately known as the "fiddle-fuck factor". Number will be chosen randomly if SCHPS score seems too high or too low or way out of the ball park.
