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Star Trek TNG
lyrics 2002 by Dr. H. Paul Shuch
sung to the tune of "The Golden Vanity" (traditional)

click to hear melody Click on the speaker icon to hear this melody

Oh, there was a mighty ship, and she toured the galaxy,
The most Enterprising star of Star Trek TNG.
She was running from the Borg, a most vicious enemy,
As she sailed along the wasteland, wasteland, wasteland
That's better known as your TV.

So up stepped Wesley Crusher, a lad of twelve and three,
And he said "Hey, Captain, what will you give to me
If I beam onto the ship of the Borgish enemy,
And I sink her in the wasteland, wasteland, wasteland
That's better known as your TV?"

"Well, I will give you Latinum, more valuable than gold,
And appoint your sorry ass to Starfleet Academy
If you'll beam onto their cube, smite the Borgish enemy,
And remove them from the wasteland, wasteland, wasteland
That is the screen of my TV."

So the nerdish kid made ready. Across the gulf beamed he,
Ending smack on the back of the Borg, his enemy.
With his phaser set to "melt," in her hull he burned holes three,
And she blew up in the wasteland, wasteland, wasteland,
Across the screen of my TV.

Then he called back to his ship, which was floating right beside,
Calling "Captain, beam me up, I am looking for a ride."
But the Captain did not heed. No more ensigns did he need,
So he left him in the wasteland, wasteland, wasteland
Of programming on the TV.

Then the lad called Counsellor Troi, who was looking starry-eyed,
"Won't you please intercede, for the Captain he has lied.
First he promised the Academy, but now that is denied,
And he's left me in your wasteland, wasteland, wasteland
Of acting mediocrity."

Rakish Riker beamed him up, but on the deck he died.
And except for Doctor Bev, not a single person cried.
"That obnoxious little twerp? Should have left him o'er the side!
We don't want him in our wasteland, wasteland, wasteland
Of programming on our TV."

Now there is a mighty ship, and she tours the galaxy.
She's the Enterprising star of Star Trek TNG.
But I know she will be scheduled by the Borgish enemy,
Evermore within the wasteland, wasteland, wasteland
Of reruns on the old TV.

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this page last updated 14 June 2007
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