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Jake's Song
A Deep Space Nine Parody
lyrics 1993 by Dr. H. Paul Shuch
sung to the tune of "Eddystone Light"

click to hear melody Click on the speaker icon to hear this melody

My father is commander of DS-9,
We live way out on the Bejor line.
The gateway to the Gamma Quadrant is the place
To ogle the girls of every possible race.


Up ahead, the wormhole stands.
DS-9 is a wonderland.

My Mother died a long time ago,
You saw it all on the very first show.
So Father's doing the best he can
Teaching me how to be a man.


Major Kira wants the Federation far away.
'Bejor for Bejorans', she likes to say.
She's tough and independent, but she changes her tune
When Cardassians appear from behind a moon.


The bar on the Promenade is run by Quark.
He's clever and he's crafty and he looks like a dork.
If you play him at Dabo he's bound to cheat,
But it's worth it for a chance at a holosuite.


Mr. Odo is a constable of great repute,
He carries a phaser but he never has to shoot.
If the bad guys think that he's just not there,
Perhaps they should be looking for a rat or a chair.


My best friend Nog can't read or write.
I'm trying to teach him secretly at night.
My father says our kinds can never be friends,
But how can he know where the story ends?


Now Father's best pal is a Trill named Dax.
She looks like a woman, but facts are facts.
She spent her last few lives as a guy;
Father calls her 'old man', and I wonder why.


We even have a doctor stationed here,
An arrogant smart-ass they call Bahsir.
I wish they'd replace him with -- can you guess?
Beverly Crusher and her young son Wes!


Miles O'Brien would have been quite wise
To stick with his job on the Enterprise.
His work is endless, no time free,
Deciphering Cardassian technology.


O'Brien's wife Keiko has a comfy berth,
But she'd chuck it all and return to Earth.
How can I expect her to stay for the sake
Of a room full of brats and a kid named Jake?


The fen all ask how a kid like me
Can live at the edge of the galaxy.
But if I can survive another season or three
They'll send me off to Starfleet Academy.

Final Chorus:

Up ahead the wormhole sits.
DS9 is a piece of . . . space rubble!

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this page last updated 14 June 2007
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