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Banned from Filking
lyrics 1995 by Dr. H. Paul Shuch
sung to the tune of "Banned from Argo,"
Copyright © 1977 by Leslie Fish

Filker's Note: So what's this song doing in a collection of Star Trek ditties? Well, I'll tell ya...
"Banned from Argo" is arguably the most popular (and surely the most widely filked) song in Filkdom. Based upon a Classic Trek episode, Leslie Fish's masterpiece is so widely sung that the composer herself has threatened to throttle with an E-string anyone who performs it in her presence. Here, then, is a song about a song inspired by a Star Trek episode.

There always have been melodies that rattle in your brain,
The kind you can't stop singing and can drive the dead insane.
Now here's a litle ditty you can sing whene'er you wish,
But every time you do you will incur the Wrath of Fish.


And we'll be banned from filking everyone,
Banned from filking just as soon as this song is done.
The melody is way off key, the lyrics are a bore,
And Leslie doesn't like it anymore.

The first time that I heard the tune it sounded smooth as silk,
And tasted quite delicious. It was clearly food for filk.
But now I hear it every weekend, what an awful trick,
At every filk convention. It's enough to make you sick.


The mission Comm Controllers are bewildered once again.
They should have known that spacers are all science fiction fen.
In shuttle low Earth orbit, or flying to the moon
The astronauts are known to whistle this familiar tune.


In every Bardic circle, the parodies abound
And nobody appears to notice just how bad they sound.
A bunch of fen assembled them. They thought it would be fun
To publish a collection of Argo's Bastard Sons.


The filker Guest of Honor is often Leslie Fish.
We've always loved her music, but we have a special wish.
We know she has a twelve-string, and she loves to strum and croon.
A Pegasus is hers if she'll just write another tune.


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