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Dawson's Minyan
lyrics 1994 by Dr. H. Paul Shuch
sung to the tune of "Dawson's Christian,"
Copyright © 1989 by Duane Elms

Allegro Ironico

It was Erev Rosh Hashanah, Fifty Seven Thirty Two
And outside the synagogue stood Hymie Dawson and his crew.
And they wanted to light candles, say a b'rucha, drink some wine,
But the problem is they only numbered nine.

"We are one short of a minyan," Rabbi Dawson told the crew,
"Yet the hour of prayer approaches, so what are we to do?
We could go recruit a goy instead of standing here like this,
Except that first we'd have to hold a bris."

CHORUS:

For you cannot blow the shofar 'til your minyan numbers ten,
And they all must be bar mitzvah, and of course they must be men.
It's an Orthodox tradition, and the word of G-d as well;
If you violate it you will go to hell.

One man asked of Rabbi Dawson, should he go and get his wife?
And the Rabbi grew quite livid, and he said, "Not on your life!
A woman in the synagogue? Now that'll be the day.
This is Poland, bubbi, not the USA."

Then I hit on an idea too ridiculous to say
But I figured if I didn't, we'd be standing there all day.
Count the torah in our minyan, I suggested. That sounds odd,
But it's Jewish and it knows the word of G-d.

CHORUS

It was Rosh Hashanah Morning as we prayed the bar'chu.
Rabbi Dawson ushered in Fifty Seven Thirty Two,
And we had a proper minyan which consisted of nine men
And a torah standing there to make us ten.

It was Erev Yom Kippur and Hymie Dawson he was there
As nine men and a torah came to congregate in prayer.
From the hour of Kol Nidre 'til the sun set in the west
That torah fasted just like all the rest.

FINAL CHORUS:

For you cannot blow the shofar 'til your minyan numbers ten,
And they all must be bar mitzvah, and of course they must be men.
It's an Orthodox tradition, and the word of G-d as well;
If you violate it you will go to hell.
... and by the way, we don't believe in hell.
And if you don't like my song, then go to hell!

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