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When I Was A Goy
lyrics 2001 by Dr. H. Paul Shuch
sung to the tune of "When I Was A Boy,"
Copyright © (?) by Frank Hayes

When I was a goy, I'd hail Mary,
Although I was lacking in grace,
And Hell was presented as scary
But Heaven a tangible place.
And original sin was a given,
And His judgment could not be undone.
So there could not be any livin'
Except by the light of the Son.

First Chorus:
And we'd walk twenty steps to confession,
Solemn and holy -- both ways
When parochial school was in session
Back in the good old days.
When the nuns rapped your knuckles with rulers
And the dreidel was only a toy,
And we did all our praying on Sundays . . .
When I was a goy.

When I was a goy, a conversion
Meant turning in Lira for Marks.
But now I am seeing a surgeon
To alter my delicate parts.
And although all Jews know it's a mitzvah to take
Joy and pleasure in all God has given,
Back when I was a goy it would be a mistake
To take too much enjoyment from livin'.
Second Chorus:
And we'd walk twenty steps to confession,
Solemn and holy -- both ways
When parochial school was in session
Back in the good old days.
When the nuns rapped your knuckles with rulers
And phylacteries, only a toy,
And we did all our praying in Latin . . .
When I was a goy.

When I was a goy, wine and wafer
Were more than a mid-morning snack.
But now, as a Jew, I feel safer
(except when the Arabs attack.)
But I studied my Hebrew and Torah,
Although there was so much to learn.
What, do you think I'm a schnorer,
Invoking the Law of Return?
Final Chorus:
Now I walk twenty blocks to Temple,
In kipah and sandals -- both ways
On Sabbath, on Yom Tov, whenever!
These are the good old days,
Now that three Gods in one are behind me,
And my rosary only a toy.
Still, the Yentas in Shul all remind me
That I was a goy.

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