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The Frigid Filker
lyrics 1993 by Dr. H. Paul Shuch
sung to the tune of "The Frozen Logger,"
Copyright © 1951 by James Stevens

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I stood on line forever
To check in at the con,
As some obnoxious Klingon
Kept harping on and on:

"I see that you're a filker
And not just a common fan.
For no one but a filker
Writes lyrics as he stands.

"My lover was a filker,
She played twelve string guitar.
She smoked and drank just like a Fish
And sang of peace and war.

"She stayed up way past Midnight
To sing 'God Save The Queen.'
Ignored me for her music
It's no wonder I grew mean.

"She'd sleep 'til after lunchtime
Then rise to write some verse.
And then she'd start on music --
It's a tossup which was worse.

"She'd not hurl heavy objects
In proper praise of me
Whene'er I tried to read her
My Klingon poetry.

"And when I'd serenade her
With my fiercest fighting chants
She'd leave the Bardic Circle
Without a backward glance.

"It's hard to love a filker
For more than just a day.
They write a song to parody
Each word of love you say.

"They'd rather sing of action
And strum on their guitars
Than seek out true adventure
Or travel to the stars.

"I didn't mind late filking
Or sleeping way past noon.
I would have stayed if only
She had learned to sing in tune.

"And so I left my lover
And others of her ilk
And vowed to shun forever
The folk who feign to filk."

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this page last updated 14 June 2007
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