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Subj: Louisiana Spooky Tale
Date: 04/25/2003 5:36:50 AM Central Daylight Time
From: [email protected] (JERRY KLOEHR)

This story happened about a month ago in a little town in Louisiana, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's real.

This guy was on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The night passed slowly and no cars went by.
The storm was so strong he could see hardly a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car slowly looming, ghostlike, out of the gloom.
It slowly crept toward him and stopped. Reflexively, the guy gets into the car and closes the door, then realized that there was nobody behind the wheel.
The car slowly starts moving again. The guy is terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running.
The guy sees that the car is slowly approaching a sharp curve. The guy starts to pray, begging for his life, sure the ghost car will go
off the road and he will plunge to his death when, just before the curve, a hand appears thru the window and turns the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend. Paralyzed with terror, the guy watches the hand reappear every time
they reach a curve. Finally, the guy gathers his wits and leaps from the car, and runs to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he goes to a bar and, voice quavering, orders two shots of tequila, and tells everybody about his horrible, supernatural experience. A silence envelopes everybody when they realize the guy is apparently sane and not drunk. About half an hour later two guys walked in the same bar. One says
to the other, "Look Boudreaux, that's the idiot that rode in our car when we were pushing it."

CNN/Reuters: News reports have filtered out early this morning that US forces have swooped on an Iraqi Primary School and detained teacher Mohammed Al-Hazar. Sources indicate that, when arrested, Al-Hazar was in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square and a calculator. US President George W Bush argued that this was clear and overwhelming evidence that Iraq indeed possessed weapons of math instruction.

Subj: FW: Why We Need Signs Saying "I'm Stupid"!
Date: 05/04/2003 9:24:16 PM Central Daylight Time
From: [email protected] (Carl) 
Idiot # 1

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because
she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that
the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her
daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the
conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant
poison to eat in order to 
kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the
Emergency Room right away.

Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride. 

Idiot # 2

Seems that a year ago,some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to
steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting
it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the
river, a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them surprised them. It
turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer
employed at Boeing.

Here's your sign, guys.

Idiot # 3

A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank
of America, walked into the branch and wrote "This iz a stikkup. Put all
your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note
to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the
note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So
he left the >Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells
Fargo teller. The teller read the note and, surmising from his spelling
errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that
she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank
of America deposit slip. He would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo
deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated,
the man said "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he
was waiting in line back at Bank of America. 

Don't bother with this guy's sign. 

Idiot # 4

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later
received in the mail: a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead
of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several
days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another
picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
Another sign (though this guy might be onto something worth thinking
about)!

Idiot # 5

Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag,
the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on
the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well. The cashier
refused and said, "I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he
was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't
believe him. At this point the robber took his driver's license out of
his 
wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed
that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The
robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly
called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he
got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later. 

Remind me to have more signs printed up. (Give this guy his!) 

Idiot # 6

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted "Nobody move!" When his partner moved,
the startled first bandit shot him. 

(This guy doesn't need a sign, he probably figured it out himself.) 

Idiot # 7 

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his
head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be
thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store
window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape. 

(Oh, that smarts. Give him his sign.) 

Idiot # 8

Ann Arbor, Michigan. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man
walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50AM, flashed a
gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he
couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man
ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for
breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

Are we out of signs already? 

"Several recent studies have shown that one in every four Americans
suffers from some form of mental disorder. Think about that, if three of
your >friends seem normal, then you must be the one." 

From Forbes Magazine