Jeremiah's Unspectacular Poetry and Humor

This is my poetry, quotes, and humor collection. This page should grow and change as time goes on. I've picked the fodder for this page from those writtings that hold special meaning or truth or 'cause they made me laugh. Enjoy.

The Walking Rifleman

--Joe Sledge

When a man takes his rifle a walkin'

it adds not a bit to his load.

It makes him in fact somewhat lighter,

for he walks as a free man, unbowed.

When a man takes his rifle a walkin',

he's master of all he can see.

A good man won't abuse the position,

for a master's a fine thing to be.

When a man takes his rifle a walkin',

he'll keep his eye sharp, his wits keen.

That's not just a tart he's escortin'.

No, that lady beside him's a queen.

When a man takes his rifle a walkin',

its condition doesn't matter to me.

He can load it however he chooses

so long as he lives by Rule Three.

When a man takes his rifle a walkin'

and he needs a second shot quick,

he'll be glad of the time spent on homework,

that he mastered reflexive bolt-flick.

When a man takes his rifle a walkin'

and he's hunting, to feed him and his,

well, he's living the way God intended,

and that's just the way that it is.

When a man takes his rifle a walkin',

as some say he should not be allowed,

well, they'd better be saying it softly,

for a man with a rifle is proud.

So if you take your rifle a walkin',

realize what you're saying, my friend.

You're saying that you are a free man

and woe be to him who butts in.

So let's take our rifles a walkin',

with pride -- defiance if need.

If we don't want to be the last riflemen

we've got to re-sow freedom's seed.

Yes, let's take our rifles a walkin',

and we'll walk in the light, so they'll see.

And if they come to tell us we cannot,

then we'll water the Liberty Tree.

There was a man who stood before God, his heart breaking from the pain and injustice in the world.

"Dear God," he cried out, "look at all the suffering, the anguish and distress in your world. Why don't you send help?"

God responded, "I did send help. . . I sent you."

--Unknown

"The constitution protects us from our own best intentions. It divides power among the sovereigns and among the branches of government precisely so that we may resist the temptation to concentrate power in one location as an expedient solution to the problems of the day."

-- Justice Antonin Scalia in the majority Supreme Court decision on the Brady Law

"War is an ugly thing but not the ugliest of things; the decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feelings which thinks that nothing is worth fighting for is much worse. A man who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing he cares about more than his personal safety, is a miserable creature who has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."

-- John Stuart Mills

Here's one for you fans of J.R.R. Tolkien.

.--Unknown

Recently one of my friends, a computer wizard, paid me a visit.

As we were talking I mentioned that I had recently installed Windows 95 on my PC. I told him how happy I was with thisoperating system, and showed him the Windows 95 CD. To my surprise he threw it into my microwave oven and turned the oven on. Instantly I got very upset, because the CD had become precious to me, but he said: 'Do not worry, it is unharmed. After a few minutes he took the CD out, gave it to me, and said: 'Take a close look at it.' To my surprise the CD was quite cold to hold and it seemed to be heavier than before. At first I could not see anything, but on the inner edge of the central hole I saw a inscription, an inscription finer than anything I have ever seen before. The inscription shone piercingly bright, and yet remote, as if out of a great depth:

"12413AEB2ED4FA5E6F7D78E78BEDE8209450920F923A40EE10E510C- C98D444AA08E1324"

'I cannot understand the fiery letters,' I said.

'No, but I can,' he said. 'The letters are Hex, of an ancient mode, but the language is that of Microsoft, which I shall not utter here. But in common English this is what it says:'

" One OS to rule them all, One OS to find them, One OS to bring them all and in the darkness bind them. . . "

Oliphaunt

--As recited by Sam Gamgee in "The Lord of the Rings", by J.R.R. Tolkien.

Grey as a mouse,

Big as a house,

Nose like a snake,

I make the earth shake,

As I tramp through the grass;

Trees crack as I pass.

With horns in my mouth,

I walk in the South,

Flapping big ears.

Beyond count of years

I stump round and round,

Never lie on the ground,

Not even to die.

Oliphaunt am I,

Biggest of all,

Huge, old, and tall.

If ever you'd met me

You wouldn't forget me.

If you never do,

You won't think I'm true;

But old Oliphaunt am I,

And I never lie.

The Reckoning

--Robert W Service

It's fine to have a blow-out in a fancyrestaurant, With terrapin and canvas-back and all the wine you want; To enjoy the flowers and music, watch the pretty women pass, Smoke a choice cigar, and sip the wealthy water in your glass. It's bully in a high-toned joint to eat and drink your fill, But it's quite another matter when you

Pay the bill.

It's great to go out every night on fun or pleasure bent; To wear your glad rags always and to never save a cent; To drift along regardless, have a good time every trip; To hit the high spots sometimes, and to let your chances slip; To know you're acting foolish, yet to go on fooling still, Till Nature calls a show-down, and you

Pay the bill.

Time has got a little bill -- get wise while yet you may, For the debit side's increasing in a most alarming way; The things you had no right to do, the things you should have done, They're all put down; it's up to you to pay for every one. So eat, drink and be merry, have a good time if you will, But God help you when the time comes, and you

Foot the bill.

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