K9GDT - The Internet’s Lighter Side

The Internet’s Lighter Side

You know you’re hooked on the Internet when....

Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
You refer to your wife as: MY.LADY@HOME.COM
Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.
You sign Christmas cards by putting :-) next to your signature.
You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
You tell the cab driver you live at:

http://123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.htm

Off the top of your head, you can think of nineteen keystroke symbols that are far more clever than :-).
You tell the kids they can't use the computer because “Daddy's got work to do” and you don't even have a job.
You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
Your wife makes a new rule: The computer cannot come to bed.
You disdain people who use low baud rates.
You get a tattoo that says, “This body best viewed with Netscape 1.1 or higher.”
You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop.
You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3.
Even your dreams are in HTML.
Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you’ve never had heart problems before.
You step out of your room and realize that your family has moved and you don’t have a clue when it happened.
You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
Your wife drapes a blonde wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
All of your friends have an @ in their names.
You can’t call your mother...she doesn’t have a modem.
You check your mail. It says “no new messages.” So you check it again.
You have commandeered your teenager’s phone line for the net and even his friends know not to call on his line anymore.
Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
You miss more than five meals a week downloading the latest games from Apogee.
You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.

How many Internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
53 to flame the spell checkers
156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.
41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.
109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb
203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.
111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts **are** relevant to this mail list.
306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.
27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs
14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.
3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.
33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add “Me Too.”
12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversey.
19 to quote the “Me Too’s” to say, “Me Three.”
4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.
47 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here.
143 votes for alt.lite.bulb.

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