IT COULDN'T HAPPEN HERE

(or could it?)


Once upon a time, a British Company and the Japanese decided to have a competitive boat race on the River Thames. The Japanese won by a mile. The British firm became very discouraged by the loss and morale sagged.
Senior Management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, and a project team was set up to investigate the problem and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion:
The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering. The British team had one person rowing and eight people steering. Senior management immediately hired a consultancy company to do a study of the British team's structure. Millions of pounds and several months later, they concluded that: "Too many people were steering and not enough rowing". To prevent losing to the Japanese next year, the team structure was changed to "four Steering Managers","three Senior Steering Managers", and one Executive Steering Manager". A performance and appraisal system was set up to give the person rowing the boat more incentive to work harder and become a key performer. The next year the Japanese won by two miles. The British company laid off the rower for 'poor performance', sold off all the oars, cancelled all capital investment for new equipment and halted development of a new boat, AWARDED high performance awards to the consultants and distributed the mony saved to senior management

THIS SOUNDS JUST LIKE BLAIR's NEW LABOUR




Questionnaire for Computer Nerd

By Derek Mason G4NDC

If any of the following apply to you then you may be a computer nerd.

If you introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife".

If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner

If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie

If you want an 8X CD-ROM for Christmas

If Dilbert is your hero

If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE

If you can name six Star Trek episodes

If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail

If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50

If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place

If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kid's toys

If you use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car

If you use coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts

If at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt out bulb in the string

If you window shop at Radio Shack

If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies

If you have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area

If you carry on a one hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run

If you are convinced you can build a phaser out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment - and you do

If you have modified your can opener to be microprocessor driven

If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush

If you own "Official Star Trek" anything

If you have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside

If a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception

If you have ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project.

If you are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor

If you own one or more white short sleeved dress shirts

If you have never backed up your hard drive

If you are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say it out loud

If you truly believe aliens live amongst us

If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance

If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is"

If you see a good design and still have to change it

If the salespeople at PC World can't answer any of your questions

If you still own a slide rule and still know how to work it

If the though that a CD could refer to finance or to music never enters your mind

If you own a set of itty-bitty screwdrivers, but you don't remember where they are

If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tyres

If you have more toys than your kids

If you need a checklist to turn on your TV

If you introduced your kids by the wrong name

If you a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work

If your IQ number is bigger than your weight

If the microphone, or the visual aids, at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix it

If you can remember seven computer passwords but not your anniversary

If you have memorised the program schedule for the discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already

If you have ever owned a calculator with no "=" key and know what "RPN" stands for

If your father sat two inches in front of your families first colour TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colours, and you grew up thinking that was normal

If you know how to take the cover off your computer, and what size screwdriver to use

If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting

If people groan at the party when you pick out the music

If you can't remember where you parked your car for the third time this week

If you did the sound system for your senior prom

If your chequebook always balances

If your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone

If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life

If you thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission controllers

If you think that when people around you yawn, its because they didn't get enough sleep

If you spend more on your home computer than your car

If you know what "http" stands for

If you have ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio

If you have ever neatly sorted a collection of old nuts and bolts in your garage

If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try and explain atmosphere absorption theory

If your laptop computer costs more than your car.

If your four basic food groups are:1 Caffeine

2 Fat

3 Sugar

4 Chocolate
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