Driving in Portugal

A millisecond after the green light comes on at the traffic lights, all drivers behind you will start honking their horns furiously. This is because green lights also last only three milliseconds; they are carefully programmed to let only one or two cars get away. To be a true native, you must honk your horn too, even if your car is the first in the line. This will also help you avoid hearing the racket other drivers will be making.

You must also go faster, never slower when the amber light comes on. If you brake, you run a high risk of being hit from behind. Don’t think that because you drive in Manhattan you will find it easy in Lisbon. Although the streets are constantly being repaved, chaos reigns supreme.

Beware of taxi drivers, who are a harassed race and tend to have short tempers. If a taxi driver insults you, ignore him completely and drive on. If you choose to retaliate, you may find yourself intercepted at the next corner, dragged out of your car and embroilled in a fist fight.

Finding a parking space in Lisbon is nothing short of miraculous. Do as the natives do and park in forbidden places or on the pavement (if these are not completely occupied by other cars), preferably right in front of a door in order to block access to the house. Or double-park, thus effectively making life miserable for other drivers and circulation even more difficult. If you leave the ‘hazard’ lights blinking, nothing whatever will happen to you. Nowadays many streets have parking meters. Get the appropriate coins and feed them to the meter – don’t expect small change to come out. Press the green button and a small ticket, with the time period you are allowed to park for, comes out. Place this ticket in a visible position on the dashboard of your car.

Traffic police are easily identified. They carry a thick notebook for scribbling the licence plate number of the 'infractor' - person who's going to get a ticket. They also wear a red arm band with a T for 'Trânsito'.

Random 'operações STOP' (a police operation to check car documents etc.) are also common, especially in the countryside by the G.N.R. (Guarda Nacional Republicana), a militarised police force for rural areas. Make sure you STOP if requested to do so. Otherwise their trigger-happy law enforcement officers, will be more than happy to convince you... with a few bursts from their automatic rifles! Stick to the speed limits as radar speed traps are all the more frequent and if you're caught using a cellphone, HT, microphone or any other electrical device while driving, you face getting a swift fine.

Lisbon, as you will readily perceive, is a most favorable environment for tailgating. Jams are frequent and prolonged. If you try to be civil to your fellow human beings and refrain from blocking the intersection, letting other drivers pass first, you’ll have the opportunity to learn some choice epithets in the Portuguese language about your mother, your own profession if you are a female, or your masculinity and/or sexual proclivities.

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