Japlish

"Flatter like a butterfly and slang like a bee," someone in Japan once said. With that in mind, here's just a tiny sampling of the limitless wonder that is English in Far East. "Formidable, the rising ear!"

One of my all-time favorites, found just down the street from my apartment in Tottori City.

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From the Tottori City Jusco. Is there a more inappropriate name for a food court shop?!

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Walking by this sign always gave me the strangest urge to swear.

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This tasty tidbit can be found all over the country, the same for the ubiquitous vending machines.

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From a little restaurant in Okayama, apparently heaping costs extra.

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No, it's mine!

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Is it a threat or a suggestion?

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The Japanese are big on their pies, though the Engrish word is used for nearly every edible item that is shaped like a circle. Of course, I didn't know leaves were edible until I saw this, so maybe I had better rephrase the sentence above.

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A couple memorable morsels from one of my favorite pizzerias, Strawberry Cones.
The name says it all, doesn't it? And why are our stomachs still empty if we've eaten all this pizza?

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A sign chock full of Japlish goodness. I don't know what amazes me more, the plethora of English on this single sign or the fact that there is NO Japanese to accompany it. What is a normal Japanese person to think when they walk by this hair salon? There is nothing in Japanese to indicate what kind of establishment it is.

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Seen on the outside of a fish tank in Okinawa. My first instinct was that it meant "no snorkeling", so I had to revert to the Japanese text to see the intended "no smoking" message.

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From a train station in Hokkaido.
Are they expecting something to go wrong?!

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A visual delight found in the Mos Burger parking lot in Kushiro.
I assume they meant STAFF ONLY, but who am I to dissect the Japanese psyche?

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Another visual delight brought to you by the fine folks at Mos Burger,
here making a splash in a garden adjacent to a franchise in Fukushima.

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Another gem from Hokkaido, an intense political statement about the Russian-occupied islands.
What more appropriate venue than a children's T shirt for such sentiments?

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From Aomori, which proudly proclaims to be the apple capital of Japan. Apparently playing host to tens of thousands of American military personnel has not helped the locals improve their English. The label on the left is from a box of cookies made with real (not used!) apple juice, the right is a filler from a store-bought picture frame.

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An actual postcard I found in a shopping mall. I tend to go by my own feeking as well.

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Sometimes entire English paragraphs can be found on labels and signs. The above comes from an acerola candy wrapper in what has to be the most blatant begging for product purchase that I've ever come across. Needless to say, I caved in to the plea but do not really feel more healthy or lovely for it.

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The most awkward attempt just to say "Smile!" ever.

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Warning not to go around the fence at a steep lookout along the Japan Alpine Route.

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An honorable mention from Thailand just to illustrate this phenomenon is not something only Japan can boast of. This comes from an aquatic museum display in the village of Panyi in the far southern part of the country, allegedly educating us about the rock crab, not (it is hoped) rock crap.

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Another honorable mention, this from the "Chinglish" department, in this case an ad for "old yogurt" at a food stand in Hainan Island, China.