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You CBers may be able to relate to this story……

A redneck truck driver is driving east on Route 66 he sees a truck driving west, and the CB crackles to life "Hey, redneck driver, who's the two biggest faggots in America?" 

The redneck replies, "I don't know."

The other trucker says " You and your brother."

Well the redneck gets all pissed off, but the other driver tells him, "It’s just a joke, tell it to the next truck you see."

So the redneck drives for about an hour and finally sees another truck. He gets on the CB and says, "Hey, other truck, do you know who the two biggest fags in the world are?"

The other trucker says, "I don't know, who?"

The redneck replies, "Me and my brother."


The term "CB" stands for "Constant Bickering", "Crappy Band", and more uncommonly "Citizens Band".  Listening to this band is.... interesting.


In fact, there are contests to see who can hear the first intelligent sentence spoken on this band.  So far there have been no winners.

That may soon change, because now even CBers can get a college education!!!  If you are a CBer, simply fill out the application below, and send it in.

Good Luck!

  Another Proud CB University Graduate!


Last name (or Nickname): ________________

First name:
[_] Billy-Bob    [_] Bobby-Sue           [_] Billy-Joe
[_] Bobby-Jo     [_] Billy-Ray           [_] Bobby-Ann
[_] Billy-Sue    [_] Bobby-Lee           [_] Billy-Mae
[_] Bobby-Ellen  [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue  [_] Billy-Joe-Bob

CB Handle: _________

Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)

Sex: M[_] F[_]   Not sure[_]

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

Shoe Size: ____Left  ____Right

Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)

Current Occupation:
[_] Farmer            [_] Mechanic
[_] Hair Dresser      [_] Waitress
[_] Trucker           [_] Un-employed
[_] Dirty Politician  [_] Welfare mom

Spouse’s Name: _________________________
2nd Spouse’s Name: __________________________
3rd Spouse’s Name: _________________________
Lover’s Name: __________________________

Relationship with spouse(s):
[_] Sister   [_] Brother   [_] Sheep
[_] Son      [_] Daughter  [_] Dog
[_] Father   [_] Mother    [_] Cousin

Number of children living in household: ___

Number of children that are yours: ___

Mother’s Name: _______________________

Daddy’s Name: _______________________
(If not sure, leave blank)

Number of CB’s in household: _________

CB’s equipped with: (check all that apply)
[_] Roger Beep  [_] 10kW linear  [_] Echo Mike

Truck equipped with: [_] 4-Wheel Drive    [_] Mag Wheels
                     [_] Big Dog          [_] Load of Wood
                     [_] 8-Track Tape     [_] Cassette Deck
                     [_] Hijacker Shocks  [_] Radar Detector
                     [_] Dual CB Antennas [_] Air Horns
                     [_] Mud Flaps        [_] Mud-Grip Tires

Number of empty beer cans in pickup bed: ____

Does your wife weigh more than your pickup truck? ___Yes ___No

Does your truck contain some part painted the official alumni association color of primer red? __Yes __No (Check only one)

Do you have a gun rack?
[_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain:

Bumper stickers on truck:
[_] "Eat more Possum"
[_] "Honk if you love Jesus"
[_] "If you ain't a cowboy, you ain't nothin'"
[_] "Jesse Helms for President"
[_] "The day they take my gun away is the day they pry it from my cold dead fingers"

Number of road kills presently in your freezer?
[ ] 3  [ ] 5   [ ] 10 or more

___ Number of times you’ve seen a UFO
___ Number of times you’ve seen Elvis
___ Number of times you’ve seen Elvis in a UFO

Do you have any of the following? (check all that apply):
[_] Trench mouth          [_] Bad breath       [_] Crotch crickets
[_] Body odor             [_] Runny nose       [_] Head lice
[_] Missing front teeth   [_] Obvious warts    [_] Crabs
[_] Yellow teeth          [_] Brown teeth      [_] Black teeth

Do you show any of the following classic signs of inbreeding?
(Check all that apply, Minimum three required):
[_] Closely-set eyes  [_] Misaligned ears        [_] Hairy Shoulders
[_] Vacant Stare      [_] Low Forehead           [_] Slight Limp
[_] Slack Jaw         [_] Speech Impediment      [_] IQ of a Carrot

How often do you bathe:
[_] Weekly  [_] Monthly  [_] Not Applicable

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
[_] Red-Man    (Check only one)

Have you ever stayed sober for a whole weekend?
[_] No (Check only one)

Define the following (must be 90% correct):
 1.  10-4
 2.  Cheetah (either animal or the Alabama football program)
 3.  Chitlins
 4.  Cobbler
 5.  Collards
 6.  County Mounty
 7.  Goobers
 8.  Grits
 9.  Okrie
10.  Pig Skins
11.  Pintos (either the bean or the car)
12.  Poke
13.  Redeye Gravy
14.  Sawmill Gravy
15.  Shit-on-a-Shingle
16.  Sidemeat
17.  Smokey
18.  Soppin' Syrup
19.  Spam
20.  Tater

I certify that the above information is true and correct to the best of my knowledge.

Signature ("X" must be witnessed): ____________________________________
Witness (if "X" is used): _____________________________________
Today's Date (if known):_____________________________________