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You CBers may
be able to relate to this story……
A redneck truck
driver is driving east on Route 66 he sees a truck driving west, and the CB
crackles to life "Hey, redneck driver, who's the two biggest faggots in
America?"
The redneck
replies, "I don't know."
The other trucker
says " You and your brother."
Well the redneck
gets all pissed off, but the other driver tells him, "It’s just a joke,
tell it to the next truck you see."
So the redneck
drives for about an hour and finally sees another truck. He gets on the CB and
says, "Hey, other truck, do you know who the two biggest fags in the world
are?"
The other trucker
says, "I don't know, who?"
The redneck
replies, "Me and my brother."
The term "CB"
stands for "Constant Bickering", "Crappy Band", and more
uncommonly "Citizens Band". Listening to this band is....
interesting.
In fact, there are contests to see who can hear the first intelligent sentence spoken on this band. So far there have been no winners.
That may soon change, because now even CBers can get a college education!!! If you are a CBer, simply fill out the application below, and send it in.
Good Luck!
Another Proud CB University Graduate!
APPLICATION FOR UNIVERSITY
TRUCKER & CB ALUMNI ASSOCIATION
Last name (or Nickname): ________________
First name:
[_]
Billy-Bob [_]
Bobby-Sue [_]
Billy-Joe
[_]
Bobby-Jo [_]
Billy-Ray [_]
Bobby-Ann
[_]
Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee
[_] Billy-Mae
[_]
Bobby-Ellen [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue [_] Billy-Joe-Bob
CB Handle: _________
Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: M[_] F[_] Not sure[_]
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Shoe Size: ____Left ____Right
Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)
Current
Occupation:
[_]
Farmer [_]
Mechanic
[_] Hair
Dresser [_] Waitress
[_]
Trucker [_]
Un-employed
[_] Dirty
Politician [_] Welfare mom
Spouse’s Name:
_________________________
2nd Spouse’s Name:
__________________________
3rd Spouse’s Name:
_________________________
Lover’s Name:
__________________________
Relationship
with spouse(s):
[_]
Sister [_] Brother [_] Sheep
[_]
Son [_] Daughter [_] Dog
[_]
Father [_] Mother [_] Cousin
Number of children living in household: ___
Number of children that are yours: ___
Mother’s Name: _______________________
Daddy’s Name:
_______________________
(If not sure,
leave blank)
Number of CB’s in household: _________
CB’s equipped
with: (check all that apply)
[_] Roger
Beep [_] 10kW linear [_] Echo Mike
Truck equipped
with: [_] 4-Wheel Drive [_] Mag Wheels
[_] Big Dog [_] Load of
Wood
[_] 8-Track Tape [_] Cassette Deck
[_] Hijacker Shocks [_] Radar Detector
[_] Dual CB Antennas [_] Air Horns
[_] Mud Flaps [_] Mud-Grip Tires
Number of empty beer cans in pickup bed: ____
Does your wife weigh more than your pickup truck? ___Yes ___No
Does your truck contain some part painted the official alumni association color of primer red? __Yes __No (Check only one)
Do you have a
gun rack?
[_] Yes [_] No; If
no, please explain:
Bumper stickers
on truck:
[_] "Eat more
Possum"
[_] "Honk if
you love Jesus"
[_] "If you
ain't a cowboy, you ain't nothin'"
[_] "Jesse
Helms for President"
[_] "The day
they take my gun away is the day they pry it from my cold dead fingers"
Number of road
kills presently in your freezer?
[ ] 3 [ ]
5 [ ] 10 or more
___ Number of
times you’ve seen a UFO
___ Number of
times you’ve seen Elvis
___ Number of
times you’ve seen Elvis in a UFO
Do you have any
of the following? (check all that apply):
[_] Trench
mouth [_] Bad
breath [_] Crotch crickets
[_] Body
odor
[_] Runny nose [_] Head lice
[_] Missing front
teeth [_] Obvious warts [_] Crabs
[_] Yellow
teeth [_] Brown
teeth [_] Black teeth
Do you show any
of the following classic signs of inbreeding?
(Check all that
apply, Minimum three required):
[_] Closely-set
eyes [_] Misaligned ears [_]
Hairy Shoulders
[_] Vacant
Stare [_] Low Forehead
[_] Slight Limp
[_] Slack
Jaw [_] Speech
Impediment [_] IQ of a Carrot
How often do
you bathe:
[_] Weekly
[_] Monthly [_] Not Applicable
Brand of
chewing tobacco you prefer:
[_]
Red-Man (Check only one)
Have you ever
stayed sober for a whole weekend?
[_] No (Check only
one)
Define the
following (must be 90% correct):
1.
10-4
2.
Cheetah (either animal or the Alabama football program)
3.
Chitlins
4.
Cobbler
5.
Collards
6.
County Mounty
7.
Goobers
8.
Grits
9.
Okrie
10. Pig
Skins
11. Pintos
(either the bean or the car)
12. Poke
13. Redeye
Gravy
14. Sawmill
Gravy
15.
Shit-on-a-Shingle
16. Sidemeat
17. Smokey
18. Soppin'
Syrup
19. Spam
20. Tater
I certify that the above information is true and correct to the best of my knowledge.
Signature
("X" must be witnessed): ____________________________________
Witness (if
"X" is used): _____________________________________
Today's Date (if
known):_____________________________________